Improper
by PoorQueequeg
Summary: What would his father say?
1. Chapter 1

_Anyone else remember that soft, willowy Kathryn Janeway from the early days? The woman with nice legs who liked dogs and slinky pajamas and had long flowing locks? I liked that Janeway a lot. Tom Paris liked her too.  
_

_Heavy references to seasons 2/3. Smut is in chapter for gratuitously unrealistic depictions of P in V, the kind where everyone always comes and it's all wonderful. I JUST WANT THEM TO BE HAPPY. LLAP PQ._

It was letting Tom Paris in to her room to talk that got her into this situation, so the last thing she wanted to do was talk about it any more. Besides, if they did actually talk they'd just end up arguing and arguing meant raised voices and raised voices meant people might hear, and then she'd really be in trouble. As if Kathryn Janeway wasn't in enough trouble already.

No, she'd more or less given up trying to _talk_ to Tom about it, although she supposed she could just _order _him to put his pants back on and _order _him to pretend like they hadn't slept together. But then, she'd tried giving him those kind of orders before and she hadn't managed to stop him needling his way back into her bed yet. She clearly wasn't trying hard enough to get rid of him, so she supposed she shouldn't hold him entirely responsible. After all, he might needle her but she would invariably let him. Rising from the seat with sharp sigh, she pulled her robe closed and tied the sash in a tight knot about her waist.

"Come back," Tom urged, pulling her into his arms. "Give me a cuddle."

"I'm very busy," Kathryn complained, although she didn't exactly resist either. His arms went around her and she let him tuck her neatly into his lap, his lips against her cheek.

"No, you're not," he murmured as he nuzzled her face. Kathryn sighed and curled her fingers around the back of his head, pressing her lips against his temple as he kissed along the side of her neck. She never could refuse when he kissed the side of her neck.

"Cuddling isn't allowed," she murmured, leaning her cheek against the top of his head and staring through the viewport at the stars beyond.

"Because then you'd have to admit that you actually care about me," Tom said, leaning back and looking her with a thoughtful expression.

"Tom," Kathryn breathed, averting her eyes. This was getting awfully close to 'talking about it'.

"Oh I forgot, I'm sorry," Tom said sarcastically, dropping his head back against the bulkhead. "I'm just a _mistake_."

"Oh don't say that," Kathryn said with a pout. She cupped his cheek in her palm and turned him back to face her so that she could press a conciliatory kiss on the side of his nose.

"You said it, not me," he groused, his pitiful expression making him look unbearably young – which was of course part of the problem. He started to open his mouth again but she really didn't want him to speak so she kissed him. If his mouth was occupied, they wouldn't be able to 'talk about it'. She _really_ didn't want to talk about it. And anyway, what was there to say?

She was sure the crew would have plenty to say about it, about the captain having it away with a lieutenant and the fact that he was only junior grade made it more damning still. And even if the rules about fraternization were hazy, every Starfleet captain knew you didn't just hop into bed with a subordinate ten years your junior.

"It's nine years," Tom had told her after the first time, on the morning after the night before. "Not ten."

"Oh, well that makes it all so much better," Kathryn had replied sarcastically, pinching the bridge of her nose between her fingers. Tom frowned and swung his legs over the side of the bed, rising to his feet to pad naked across the floor. Her eyes couldn't help but fall to his crotch, his cock bouncing against his bare legs as he approached. She could still feel the ache of it between her thighs so it was probably too late to be concerned by the sight of it now. She covered her face with her hands and groaned. "What would your father say?"

Tom winced.

"Can you not bring my father into the bedroom please," he said with a snort and Kathryn gaped.

"You shouldn't even be in my bedroom, Tom!" she cried.

"You let me in," he muttered defensively, but Kathryn was unimpressed.

"You have to leave," she stammered, turning to the side and grabbing his pants off the floor. "Before Neelix comes knocking." Kathryn thrust them toward him and looked him right in the eye. "Here! Get dressed!" Tom folded his arms over his chest and observed the pants sceptically.

"Is that an order?" he asked, dropping his gaze from her face to her chest. Kathryn glanced down at her bare breasts and stomach, exposed by the flimsy robe barely hanging around her shoulders. She narrowed her eyes at him.

"Does it need to be?" she growled, pulling the robe closed. Tom snorted derisively and stepped closer, snatching his pants out of her hands and throwing them over his shoulder. "Lieutenant Paris!" Kathryn squealed as he stalked closer and hoisted her into his arms.

Of course she knew she shouldn't have done it, knew she shouldn't have let him into her room but it just wasn't that easy to say no to his stupid face. It was never all that easy to say no to someone when you wanted them, especially when you were already kissing and he had his hand up your skirt.

She hadn't intended any of it to happen quite like this, although it was of course, not entirely Tom's fault. And for all Chakotay's clucking about fraternization, Kathryn Janeway was as guilty as anyone for the double entendres and innuendo that bounced around the bridge and Tom Paris knew it. She recalled one afternoon as the bridge crew were shuffling out of the briefing room, how she had stood beside Chakotay staring at some shiny new data on the screen. Tom crossed his arms over his chest and ambled closer, observing her with amusement.

"Very interesting stuff," he commented with an apparently earnest expression on his face.

"It's fascinating, isn't it?" she uttered with a wistful sigh as the helical patterns had danced on the screen.

"It certainly is," Chakotay had agreed in a low, sultry tone he used whenever he was indulging her. She couldn't say she ever objected to being indulged, but it was a two pronged attack and Kathryn had no defense.

"Oh yeah, you were science division," Tom noted, pursing his lips and casting a thoughtful eye over her slender form. Kathryn twisted her head towards him with a suspicious expression. "I remember now," he continued, a hint of mischief in his tone. "You came to our house wearing blue." Chakotay's brow went up and his lip twitched.

"Yes, I believe I did," Kathryn replied slowly, the slight narrowing of her eyes belying her amusement. She must have been twenty six or twenty seven then, meaning the young Mr. Paris would have been all of eighteen. Tom pursed his lips and shook his head.

"It really is shame they changed those uniforms," he said with a cheeky waggle of his brows, sharing a sly look with Chakotay over the captain's head.

"Oh I don't know," Chakotay offered conspiratorially. "I like you in red."

"Thank you, gentlemen," she said, shaking her head at their cheek. Tom cocked his head to one side and grinned at her, and it occurred to her then that he really was far more of a rogue than his father had ever been. "Don't you have work to do?" she queried and Tom schooled his features into a mask of obedience.

"Yes, maam," he replied coyly before sauntering away towards the exit. She shook her head as the pair of them disappeared out of the briefing room and back onto the bridge. He might be a rogue but he was a very charming one.

Some time later, after a messy altercation with a hostile species, and not being one to shirk a little hard work, Kathryn Janeway found herself crouched beneath the conn on the bridge with a spanner in her hand. The bridge was filled with the grating sound of maintenance equipment, the darkness illuminated by the periodic shower of sparks as they worked to carry out repairs. Finishing her task, Kathryn dropped her tool into the box and wriggled backwards, sitting back on her knees and taking a moment to catch her breath. She chuffed a little breath to dislodge a strand of hair from her lip, wiping the back of a soot covered hand across her brow.

"I look like the wreck of the Antares," she complained, catching sight of herself in a console. Her hair was falling out of its bun and smudges of soot streaked across her face.

Tom grinned at her from the other side of the station.

"Oh I don't know," he assured her, his own face likewise smeared with filth. "I think it's a good look on you." Kathryn narrowed her eyes at him but she was smiling. It wouldn't be the last time that he'd make such a confession, and it wouldn't be the last time she'd like it.

"That console won't repair itself, lieutenant," Chakotay interjected, appearing behind the captain and fixing him with a stern look. Apparently, flirting was only allowed so long as the first officer was included in it.

"No sir," Tom agreed with false contrition, giving her a cheeky wink before he disappeared back behind a curtain of damaged cables. It wasn't till much later that she considered that she really gave him far too much latitude to flirt.

And when one day a power surge in the back of a shuttle had left her hissing in pain, Tom was the one responsible for waving the dermal regenerator over her finger. There was nothing odd about that, he was the field medic after all. They stood alone in the back of the shuttle while Tuvok and the others scouted around outside. She looked on with fond eyes as he gently held her hand and ran the beam over her skin.

"That is a nasty little burn," Tom commented sympathetically. He was smiling, his manner doting, tender almost and she supposed it must have rubbed off on her a little.

"Yeah it hurts," she replied with an uncharacteristic pout. He _was_ very handsome, a voice in the back of her head supplied and something down below tingled unhelpfully in reply.

"There," he said with a satisfied sigh, clicking off the machine. "All better." He lifted her hand and pressed the briefest of kisses on her fingertip. Kathryn was taken aback to say the least, both at his apparent boldness and by how unbearably sweet a gesture it was. She was pretty sure he'd done it without even thinking but that didn't really make it any less reprehensible. For a moment, she saw something irresistibly innocent in his eyes and just for that same moment she believed it, only for reason to come rushing back a split second later. She was the captain after all.

"Don't do that again, lieutenant," she told him, primly, her eyes narrowing and her lips pressed into a thin line of displeasure. Tom's throat bobbed and his eyes went wide, like he couldn't quite believe what he had done.

"I'm sorry," he uttered breathlessly, turning away to stuff the regenerator back into its pouch. She didn't linger, turning to stride out of the shuttle to seek refuge with others.

He seemed very contrite after that, obediently trailing around after her as she spent the rest of the trip studiously ignoring him. She experienced varying degrees of success with ignoring him after that, but time went by and things changed, and Kathryn found herself less inclined to ignore him these days.

It hadn't been her intention for him to be planetside at all, but somehow the transporters had contrived not to work and they'd needed a pilot. And Tom had volunteered himself, of course, an unnecessary but not unwelcome addition to their little consular party. Kathryn liked Neelix well enough, but seventy two hours with him was hard going even for her.

To be fair to the Ambassador, the reception was a delightful affair and she wasn't sure if it had been made more or less delightful by the knowledge that her roguish young lieutenant had spent a good portion of it staring at her. It probably had something to do with the evening gown and how her hair hung loose down her back. She had been dancing with the Ambassador when Tom interrupted.

"If I may be so bold," he had said smoothly, a smile on his face a playful glint in his eye. Kathryn's brow went up but she didn't exactly protest.

"Of course, Lieutenant," the Ambassador had assented with a smile and a bow, stepping aside to allow Tom to sidle up close to the captain before whisking her across the dance floor.

"Mr. Paris," she had uttered mildly as his hand settled at her waist. He grinned.

"You've danced with the Ambassador twice already," he told her, teeth flashing and eyes sparkling. "And that greasy old general, you even danced withNeelix. Can't spare a dance for a lowly pilot?" Kathryn smiled in spite of herself.

"Hmm maybe I could lower myself just this once," she chuckled in reply. Tom beamed.

"If I may say," he began, his lips twitching mischievously. "You look very beautiful this evening." Her brows went up for just a moment. "Captain," he added with mock sincerity.

"Thank you for sharing that observation, Mr Paris," she told him smoothly. Tom coughed a little.

"Have you enjoyed the reception?" he asked conversationally and she nodded.

"It's nice to get away from Voyager sometimes," she replied with a hint of a sigh.

"It is," he agreed. "Though it would have been better if I didn't have to wait so long to dance with you," Tom informed her wickedly and she wondered if there wasn't something in the food that was making him frisky.

"Well you're dancing with me now, Mr. Paris," she observed and he nodded.

"Yes, I am." Kathryn was having a little trouble thinking what to say, struggling as she was not to moon over how very blue his eyes were. "Thanks for letting me tag along on your little trip, by the way," he added.

"I can understand why you might have wanted to get away," she replied and he dipped his head to one side.

"B'Elanna told me I have my head up my ass and Chakotay put me on report," he confessed. She gave him an apologetic smile.

"I'm sorry if this is making things difficult for you," Kathryn said softly and he smiled again.

"I don't know," Tom said playfully. "All this cloak and dagger stuff is kind of thrilling but keeping secrets can get a bit lonely sometimes."

"You can always come and talk to me," she reminded him.

"Thank you," he told her gently and when she looked into his eyes, she flushed a little bit.

"I wanted to thank you actually," she said after a moment. "For the other day." Tom's gaze softened.

"I hope you're feeling better," he said softly and she nodded.

It was barely two weeks since Caylem had died in her arms. Kathryn hadn't been prepared for what had happened to her on that mission. She wasn't ashamed exactly, to let Tuvok and B'Elanna see her cry, but neither had she anticipated either just how sympathetic Tom Paris could be.

"Check on Tuvok," she had insisted as he ushered her out of the tunnels with a gentle arm around her shoulders, but even with his face covered in bruises Tuvok seemed to be holding up better than she.

"You should go to sickbay," Tom urged gently as they stepped down from the transporter, safe on Voyager once more.

"I'm fine," she insisted. "I just...I want to go to my quarters." Tom chewed his lip for a moment.

"I'll walk you," he said and she found she was too tired to argue. The corridors were mercifully empty as they made their way silently toward the turbolift, and she pretended not to notice the way he rested his hand in the small of her back. Walking Voyager's halls in anything other than her uniform made her feel oddly exposed, her long hair hanging down her back somehow obscene in that moment.

"Thank you Mr. Paris," she told him as she stepped across the threshold of her quarters, her voice as close to her usual assured self as she could manage. Tom hovered in the doorway for a minute with a look of concern on his face.

"You gonna be ok?" he asked softly and when she caught his sympathetic gaze, something mournful bloomed in her chest. She held her breath to stop it from hitching and pushed her shoulders back, straightening her spine.

"Return to your station," she said, but her treacherous voice cracked and her face screwed up with sorrow. The door hissed shut behind him as he moved closer. "Please don't," she croaked as his hand came to rest on her bicep, knowing that a kind touch would just make her cry even more.

"Hey," Tom said, smiling at her sadly. "Hey," he said again. His other hand closed over her other arm and it was all too much. She choked and let out a pitiful sob, both horrified and thankful to find herself pressed against his chest and his arms going around her. "It's okay," Tom murmured softly, stroking up and down her back in slow, soothing movements.

Kathryn Janeway was humble enough to understand that a good cry could be cathartic. Tom to his credit didn't seem disturbed by her display of emotion, just held her in a chaste hug as she cried out all her feelings about Caylem, about Mark, about all things she'd pretended to be in control of.

When she'd gained a little control over herself, he'd guided her toward the window seat and fetched her a cup of something hot from the replicator.

"You're not a Vulcan," Tom reminded her gently. "It's good to cry sometimes."

"Thank you," she said sheepishly as she took the cup from him and he smiled again, those boyish blue eyes more wise than she'd realized they could be. She brushed her hands over her skirt and pulled the fabric over the exposed leg that Tom pretended not to notice. She told him the story of Caylem, his face twisting with sympathy at the dead man's sad tale, but she left out all the parts about Mark and her lonely heart.

"That was very sweet of you," he said, laying his hand on top of hers and squeezing gently. Kathryn didn't chide him for it and she didn't pull her hand away. It was nice to be reminded that she could be sweet, could be that soft woman who liked puppies instead of just the one who ordered her crew to their deaths. Tom looked her in the eye and she opened her mouth to say something, only to be interrupted by the chirp of his comm and Chakotay's dulcet tones.

"Chakotay to Paris, report to the bridge." Tom gave her a lopsided grin.

"Off you go," Kathryn said, lashes fluttering as he looked her in the eye again. Tom rose to his feet and took a couple of steps across the floor.

"You should probably check in with the doctor," he reminded her with a wry smile. Kathryn nodded.

"Thank you, Tom," she told him after a heartbeat.

"You're welcome," he replied gently, nodding his head and stepping out of the door.

She wasn't so above everybody that she felt humiliation at having cried in front of her pilot, even if it wasn't exactly an ideal state of affairs. But if he was proving himself to be worthy of the faith she put in him, she was glad to have somebody to trust. Voyager had sprung a leak and she needed him to help her find it.

She wasn't quite sure what Tom Paris was helping her find in that particular moment and she knew she really ought to stop dancing with him, but Voyager was thirty six hours and a shuttle ride away so she let it slide. He was pleasingly tall and she could make out the shape of his muscles beneath his shirt. His hands were nowhere indecent but they made her tingle all the same and it was all so very wrong and yet all so very right. She stared at his mouth as his hands squeezed her a little tighter, and didn't complain as he swayed a little closer. The music came to an end and she knew she was being foolish but when she stepped out of his arms, she felt suddenly somehow bereft.

"Thank you for the dance, lieutenant," she said quietly. She couldn't quite bring herself to look him in the eye and when she finally managed it, it was impossible to misinterpret the look on his face. She let herself be swept away by their host and spent the rest of the evening silently thrilling at the way Tom watched her from across the room.

It wasn't exactly a surprise when he came knocking on her door later that night.

"Mr. Paris," she said in what she thought was a neutral tone, opening the door just enough to let him see her face. Tom's lashes fluttered and his lip twitched.

"I was hoping to take you up on your offer," he said, his voice very low. Kathryn's brow rose up in a high arch. "To..._talk,_" he explained.

"Talk?" she uttered and Tom gulped.

"Please?" he implored, leaning very close. Kathryn's grip tightened on the door handle and she licked her lips. She was certain this was a terrible idea but it was because it was so terrible that it was so hard to resist. She knew she should just tell him to go away, should say goodnight and close the door in his face.

Her palm was clammy as she twiddled the doorknob hesitantly and the hinges squeaked out a little fanfare for her indecision. She let out a breath she hadn't realized she was holding and a moment later her hand slipped from the door. It moved open barely an inch but it was all the encouragement he needed and the next thing she knew he was sliding very close by and into her room. Kathryn stepped aside to make space, and slowly turned her back to the door. The lights were dim but his eyes were very blue, his long lashes fluttering the same rapid rhythm as her heart. She chewed on her lip and slowly leaned back on her arms, clutching the doorknob for moral support as the latch clicked shut behind her.


	2. Chapter 2

Tom's expression had the kind of ridiculous seriousness young men tried to project when they were trying to be sexy, and her lip twitched as she repressed her amusement. She was really the one who was being ridiculous but it wouldn't do to laugh.

"I'm all ears, Mr. Paris," she said eventually, her voice much lower than she'd intended. Tom licked his lips and moved barely half a step closer.

"I uh...I wanted to say..." he began sheepishly, looking her in the eye for a moment before his gaze dropped southward. She flushed under his appraisal, although it would have been dishonest to say it was with embarrassment. He swallowed and reached up to scratch the back of his head. "I ah...I don't remember." Kathryn tilted her head to one side and gave him a disbelieving look.

"I'm sure whatever it was, it was a very bad idea," she told him, a hint of sardonic amusement just detectable in her tone. Tom sighed and his shoulders slouched.

"Half of me is sure I'm going to get a reprimand for this," he confessed in a croaking voice as he took a step closer. "And maybe a slap." Kathryn's heart was beating so fast she could hear it in her ear, something heavy and slow pulsing through her thighs that made her legs feel funny. "But the other half of me..." His voice trailed off as he reached up to cup her jaw in his palm. Kathryn let out a shuddering breath.

"Tom," she rasped, reaching up to take hold of his hand and peel it gently away from her cheek.

Tom closed his eyes, leaning his free hand against the door and letting his head hang forward in shame. It was very bold of him to come here, she mused, feeling sorry for him even though she wasn't certain she really should. She squeezed his hand sympathetically, not displeased in the least by the way he curled his fingers through her own. It would hardly be a chore to take pity on him – by the stars, she _really _wanted to take pity on him. "This can't happen," she breathed. Tom let out a sighing, rasping breath and screwed his eyes up.

"Well," he said eventually, squeezing her fingers gently before lifting her hand up and placing it on his shoulder. "Then I guess I'm going to get a reprimand." And then he kissed her.

It was so much easier to say no in theory than in practice. It was so much easier to say no to a man if he was boorish and repulsive. It was much less easy to say no when he was handsome and a little bit wicked. It was much less easy when he was already kissing you and it made you feel a little bit less lonely when he did.

Perhaps if he'd been heavy handed and frantic, it would have been easier to push him away but he was so adorably gentle. She didn't mean to let out a moan, convincing herself later that it was a protest although in truth it was less an act of resistance, and more one of collaboration. Kathryn sighed and slouched against him, sliding her fingers through his hair. Squeezing her close against his chest with a palm between her shoulder blades, Tom moved his other hand slowly down to squeeze her backside and she whimpered.

"Do you want me to stop?" he asked, looking at her with wide, worried eyes. It was a horrible position to be in, faced with making the choice between wanting to and having to. She slipped away from the door and put some space between them.

"Kathryn," Tom uttered following close behind, the worry evident in his tone as he wrapped his arms around her. She had half expected him to call her captain and perhaps she could have told him to leave if he had. And then called her Kathryn again as his arms wrapped around her to pull her gently back against his chest.

"No I don't want you to stop," she whispered, reaching up to lay her hand on top of his and leaning back into his touch. He stroked along her collarbone with one hand while the other moved in slow circles across her stomach.

"Whenever you tell me to stop, I'll stop," he murmured, nuzzling her cheek and stroking his palm across her chest.

"I don't want you to stop," she said again, the words a breathless sigh as his lips touched her throat. Neck kisses were her weak spot and the soft caress of his hands through the fabric of her dress made her ache.

"I love it when you wear your hair down," he sighed, his breath ghosting over her skin as he brushed it aside and kissed her throat. Kathryn reached for his hand and clasped it tightly, stepping out of his arms and turning to look him in the eye.

"Let's go in the bedroom," she whispered. Tom's lashes fluttered and his lips turned up at the corners in a coy smile that was unhelpfully cute.

"We don't have to do anything you don't want," he said squeezing her fingers. Kathryn bit her lip. She appreciated the sentiment at least.

"Uh huh," was the best response she could manage, tugging on his hand and taking a step backward.

When they came to a stop beside the bed Tom reached up to cup her face in his hands, kissing her softly on the lips. She couldn't pretend like his cautiousness wasn't adorable, like it wasn't exactly what she wanted just then. It was like he was afraid she might bolt if he pushed her too hard and it was nice to feel a little bit fragile, a little bit coltish.

Her hands wandered his body while his fingers sought out the fastening on her dress. She let it fall to the floor, biting her lip and twiddling a curl of hair behind his ear as he took a good look at her.

"You're gorgeous," Tom sputtered, pulling her against him and kissing her hotly on the mouth. She wasn't insecure in the least but he was ten years her junior and she needed some affirmation. Kathryn sank back against the bed and pulled him down with her, enjoying the way he squirmed on top of her. She let out a little groan of pleasure as she cradled him between her legs, something decidedly erect pressing against her through his pants. He said he would stop whenever she asked him to, and she knew she really ought to ask him to.

"Take this off," she gasped, tugging at the hem of his shirt and Tom scrambled to comply. He looked too handsome, especially the way his hair stuck up as he pulled his collar over his head and when he lay his bare chest down over her she sighed with delight. He was warm and his skin was soft, and he seemed so much broader than she'd noticed before. It felt good, to be cocooned beneath him, his arms around her made her feel more like the person she used to be. They spent a long time like that, kissing and writhing in a tangle of arms on the bed. He stroked his hands across her shoulders and down, his fingers trailing along her sides before splaying across the narrow indent of her waist. His breath was loud in her ear, and she panted with longing as her hips surged up to meet his. He kissed her slowly, deep long strokes of his tongue in her mouth and it felt gloriously erotic, thrillingly illicit and she knew that she was absolutely not going to tell him to stop.

When his hand slipped down to her bra, she didn't hold back her sigh of pleasure and wriggled around on the sheets to help him pull the flimsy little scrap away from her body. She squeezed her arms and legs around him to let him know how much she liked his mouth on her breast, coiling the curls on his head around her fingers as a feeble, girlish moan fell from her throat. Tom swirled his tongue over her skin in hot, slow licks before he sucked her nipple between his lips and the pleasure of it all went shooting straight between her legs.

There was something so exciting about doing something when you knew you really shouldn't. She was delirious with anticipation when he finally slipped his hand downward, that spot between her legs tingling hotly. Tom's palm closed over the the damp fabric, a maddening sweep of his hand over and over and over. Kathryn pushed up on her elbows to watch unashamedly as he kissed across her underwear and dragged his tongue up the inside of her leg, her fingers twisting against the bedsheets in a nervous twitch. Soon he would have seen everything so there was no point in being coy. Tom looked her in the eye, his tongue swiping over his lip as he slipped the tip of one finger under the fine seam of her panties in a lingering, teasing touch. His breath ghosted over her skin as he peeled her underwear down and she bit her lip, her chest rising and falling with shallow, rapid pants. Tom pressed his cheek against the inside of her thigh and nuzzled her for a moment before leaving a little kiss behind.

"I've thought about doing this for a while now," he confessed as his index fingers stroked along the crease of her thigh and she gamely held his eye as he moved them inward.

"Have you?" she whispered, peering at him through the curtain of hair that had fallen across her face. Tom nodded and her lashes fluttered, a smile spreading across her face that morphed into an o of delight as he spread her open and pressed one finger inside. He dropped his gaze then to peer intently at her sex and she found the way his nostrils flared oddly thrilling.

The humming vibration of his lascivious moan was maybe more erotic than the touch of his tongue on her clit, but either way she felt undeniably sexy in that moment. Kathryn let out a breath she hadn't realized she was holding, and let her head fall back as the slow smacking sound of his tongue drifted toward her ears. She wasn't sure if it was that he had his mouth between her legs that made it feel so nice, or just that it felt good to be intimate with someone after so long. She melted back against the mattress and closed her eyes, taking slow, deep breaths as she smiled at the ceiling. She stroked her fingers through his hair and moaned appreciatively at the sounds he was making, being wanted by him somehow more of a turn on than the act itself. Pleasure coiled in her belly, the illicit thrill of it all combining with the gentle stroke of his hands over her hips to drive all sense out of her. An irresistible tingling, twitching kind of ache that throbbed between her legs, like how she imagined an orb of plasma might feel as it was being sucked into a gravity well. Oh god, she was going to come.

"Kiss me," she whimpered, digging her nails into his shoulder. Tom peered up at her from between her legs, his eyes wide and impossibly blue. "Kiss me," she said again, pushing up on her hand to meet him halfway. He complied, letting her twist her tongue around in his mouth his while her arms slipped around his ribs.

"I want to make you come," he murmured, his mouth against her lips. Kathryn screwed her face up and her hand moved to cup between his legs.

"Yes I want you to," she whimpered in a needy tone, kissing him again and when she squeezed the bulge in his pants he seemed to get her point. Tom was panting, his breath a ragged harsh sound as he fumbled hurriedly with the stays on his pants. Their fingers brushed together as she helped him peel the fabric aside and then she found herself flat on her back as Tom pressed down from above her. She cupped his cheek in her palm and kissed him, her other hand squeezing the round swell of his behind as he shoved his pants down his thighs. Kathryn wrapped her legs around his waist and twitched with excitement as she felt the rough fuzz of his pubic hair tickle between her legs.

Tom pressed his lips against her throat, the breath hot and damp against her skin as he let out a long groan. She scraped her fingernails lightly against his scalp, closing her eyes to enjoy the heady buzz of anticipation as his erection rubbed against the crease of her thigh. Tom held her jaw in a gentle grip and kissed her chastely on the lips, but it wasn't quite filthy enough for her so she slipped her tongue into his mouth. He shifted above her and cooed in pleasure as his cock slid up and down along the slippery folds of her sex, revelling in the thrill of the tease. She loved this moment, the moment right before you knew he was going to be inside you. Her pussy clenched hotly in anticipation.

She exhaled a long, lazy breath as he finally pressed inside, her fingertips slipping slowly along his collarbone as her lips curled up in a satisfied smile. He pulled back a little, his breath hitching as his cock slid into her again and when he moaned, she squeezed her arms around his shoulders appreciatively because it was all so much better when he moaned. The air left her lungs in a long, lingering sigh, her hand sliding across his shoulder blades as the other moved gently down to rest on his behind. Tom whimpered, hiding his face in her neck as he rocked his hips and she gave him an encouraging squeeze, revelling in the rise and fall of his ass beneath her palm.

Tom seemed to get the point and rocked his hips a little faster, his breath loud in her ear. She loved the sound of it as much as the feeling of his cock pressing into her and let out a little gasp of satisfaction. Tom kissed her cheek and let out a little gasp of his own, rasping, huffing grunts spilling out of his lips as the mattress creaked beneath them. Emboldened by her response, Tom cradled her head between his forearms and kissed her on the mouth again.

When she opened her eyes to look at his face, he was staring right at her. Kathryn's lips twisted up in a wry smile and she stroked her hands along his sides. Tom smiled back, pushing up onto his palms and letting his gaze rove her body as he moved his hips with more purpose.

"Oh," Kathryn chuffed, the sound spilling out of her of its own volition. "Oh yes," she said and Tom's brow furrowed in apparent concentration.

"Like that?" he murmured and she moaned.

"Oh yes, yes," she babbled, her head lolling to one side as his cock rubbed against her in all the right places. In and out and in and out and she chuckled at the sheer joy of it, the springs in the mattress squeaking obscenely beneath her. Her breath hitched and he hissed, gritting his teeth and letting his eyes fall closed.

"Shit," he cursed, moving more intently now as Kathryn fairly whined. It should have been embarrassing really but the wet smack of sex and the harsh rasp of his breath in her ear was driving her to distraction and she couldn't quite bring herself to feel anything other than wickedly joyful.

"Oh, oh, oh, Tom," she cried, wrapping her arms around him as her pussy clenched hard. Her clit felt like it was melting, something very hot and tingly suddenly spreading out low in her body like spilling warm coffee on your lap only much much better. "Oh, oh, oh," she stammered, squeezing her arms and legs around his warm body.

"Oh shit, oh Kathryn," Tom choked before he mashed his mouth against hers and hips snapped against her. She gasped, thrilled at the way his arms wrapped tightly around her when he said her name. "I'm coming," he confessed, his voice a scratchy sob.

"Oh yes, come inside me," she hissed into his mouth, dragging her nails outwards from his spine. "Come inside me," she said again because right in that moment she really really wanted him to. Tom buried his face in the crook of her neck, his moan a hot, rasping gurgle of breath as he went stiff in her arms.

Kathryn closed her eyes then and lay limply on the bed beneath him as his hips jerked raggedly against her with a quite delightful kind of masculine inelegance. His breath came in a funny whistling little tune in her ear, and her neck felt hot and sweaty. She let her head loll against the sheets and Tom's arms slackened a little as he slouched to one side. She had a warm tingly feeling like spiders running around inside her legs, something sticky and warm sliding down her thigh as she slipped a finger into the wetness there and rubbed it gently over her still singing clit.

Her breath came out as a quiet little hiss and Tom shifted beside her, kissing between her shoulder blades as his thick fingers slipped downward to cover her own. Kathryn twitched, her body coiling up like a bug as little shocks went shooting down her thighs like static. Tom kissed behind her ear and when it became too much, she squeezed his fingers and pressed her face into the bedsheets panting hard.

Tom mumbled something, his breath warm and damp on the back of her neck and his hand stroking idly up and down the curve of her waist. She blinked and stared through her lashes with unseeing eyes, her heart thrumming like the string of a double bass inside her chest.

"That was very nice," he said eventually, his palm stroking down her side to the swell of her hip and back again.

"Yes," she agreed croakily, taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly. Her head felt surprisingly clear. He was kissing her shoulder blade, his finger tips stroking up and down her skin in a light, tickling touch.

When she pushed up onto her elbow, Tom's hands slipped around her body to settle over her chest. She quirked a brow and sat up a little more. She felt his breath in her hair and turned to peek at him over one shoulder. He started kissing her bicep, lifting her arm to duck underneath it and press his lips to the side of her breast. Glancing down she saw that his pants were barely halfway down his legs and she let out a huff of amusement, stroking her palm over his hair as she twisted around to face him. Tom gave her a lopsided smile and waggled his feet.

"I still have my boots on," he said with a toothy grin and she smiled. She reached down to tug at the fastenings, Tom's hands cupping her breasts and squeezing them gently as he toed his boots off. Kathryn peeled off his pants and socks and let them fall to the floor. Tom was still smiling as he pulled her into his arms. She supposed it was better than if he'd just stood up, fixed his flies and told her goodnight. Tom didn't seem to be thinking as much as she apparently was being rather more interested in putting his mouth on her nipple, so it seemed just as well to slide across his lap. She toyed with a curl of hair on the back of his neck and sighed, closing her eyes as he kissed up her throat. One hand dragged up her spine and into her hair, his lips trailing along her jaw.

"You're really sexy," he told her, looking her in the eye.

"Oh stop it," she said, flushing hotly and cupping the back of his head in her palm. Tom smiled against her cheek.

"Bashful too," he chuckled, so she kissed him to stop him from saying anything else. If he talked too much, she thought she might die from embarrassment but that didn't mean she wanted him to stop. Her legs were wrapped around his waist, his hands sliding along her thighs to squeeze her backside as he kissed along her collarbone.

After a moment, he reached up and brushed her hair back from her face, looking her in the eye and biting his lip thoughtfully. Kathryn was silent as he brushed him thumbs over her lips before dragging them slowly down her neck and brushing his palms in slow circles across her breasts. She shifted in his lap as he kissed each soft mound in turn, watching through her lashes as he brushed his thumbs over her nipples. His tongue was warm and slow as he swirled it wetly across her skin, cupping her breasts and pushing them together and then pressing his face into the space between as they moved apart. She arched her back into his caress, peering down through her hair to watch with a contented sigh at the long licks and wet kisses he lavished on her breasts.

She could feel him hard between her legs, and the smooth ridge of it rubbing against her made her ache. When he looked at her face again she kissed him and pushed him down onto his back. Her hair hung around them like a curtain and Tom took a minute to brush his fingers through it, smiling at her as she stroked her fingertips over his lips. She kissed him again, pressing her palms flat on either side of her head and rolling her hips so that his cock nudged her clit.

Kathryn closed her eyes then, unwilling to see the look on his face as she got herself off rubbing against his cock. It was hardly the most dignified of activities but Tom seemed to like it from the breathless oh yeah he murmured against her neck. She'd really prefer him to shut up but his hands felt good on her ass so she just ignored him and rubbed harder. He kissed the side of her mouth and the tip of her nose, his hands roaming across her back, caressing her front or gently brushing her hair to one side.

Sensitive as she was, it wasn't going to take her long to come. It was all delightfully wet down there and every now and then the head of his cock would nudge just inside of her and Tom would let out a little grunt. His hips rocked up toward her but she was determined to be a little bit selfish and she wouldn't let him all the way in, just kept grinding against him until a tickling flush of pleasure blossomed between her thighs.

"Ooh," she chirped, her brow furrowing with pleasure as her hips twisted wantonly and her pussy clenched. Tom was breathing hard, and she peered at him sideways to see him grinning at her with a wicked expression before she flopped boneless against his chest. She hid her face in his neck as he squeezed her ass, one finger dancing along the slippery wet crease of her backside.

"You're so wet," he told her and she put her hand over his mouth, not sure she was quite ready to hear dirty talk from him just yet. She took a deep breath and sat upright, letting her eyes track down his body to where his cock sat trapped between her thighs. Kathryn brushed her long hair over her shoulder and stroked her fingernail lightly over the little ridge in the tip until he hissed. Tom clenched his jaw, his hand snaking downward to press a curious finger between the slippery folds of her pussy as she circled her fingertip through a glistening bead of fluid leaking out of him. She watched his face and admired the way he clenched his jaw, lifting her hips a little as a second finger joined the first, the deep press of his fingers inside of her mimicking what he wanted to do with his cock. After a moment she took pity on him and captured it in the loose circle of her fingers, guiding it inside of her body and enjoying the way his breath came stuttering out of his chest as she sank down onto him.

Tom was compliant at first, letting her move above him as a big smile spread across his face. His fingers tightened around her thighs, his gaze flitting from her breasts to the obscene display of his cock disappearing into her pussy. She tortured him a little bit, clenching hard as she slowly pulled up before sinking down fast. He reached a hand up and squeezed a breast, his other hand settling on the curve of her waist. She didn't think she was going to come again but it still felt good and she was enjoying the sight of him spread out on the bed before her. Tom groaned and his head fell back, his hands moving to squeeze her hips in a firm grip and she revelled in the way he rutted up into her off the mattress. He was sexy and he made her feel sexy, so she squeezed him tight inside of her and let herself enjoy his desperate expression.

His fingers squeezed a little harder and he cursed, grunting out a breathless little cry as he came. She watched him for a moment as his chest heaved, brushing her hair out of her face and catching her breath. His hand stroked along her leg in an absent touch that grew gradually more listless, until the frown on his face relaxed into a drowsy smile.

"Come here," he murmured, cracking open one blue eye and peering at her sleepily. Kathryn sighed and let herself be drawn into the circle of his arms, his cock slipping out of her to leave a warm, sticky mess to slide down her thighs. Cuddling up with him felt like an admission of something more tender than what they had just done, but he was warm and she was sleepy and it was nice not to be alone.

She lay on her side with his arm over her waist and looked at his unrepentant face as it lay squashed against the pillow, unsure where to place him in the scheme of all her bad decisions. Kathryn took a deep breath and let it out slowly, pulling the covers up over her shoulders and melting into the soft bed. Tom peeked at her through his lashes and tickled her hip, his lips curling upward as he spoke.

"You're beautiful," he said, and she thought the least she could do was to return his sleepy smile.

"Go to sleep, Tom, " she told him.


	3. Chapter 3

Mistakes were always easier to make in the moonlight, flaws hidden by the shadows that were much easier to see in the cold light of day. Except the sun pouring in through the drapes was warm like his smile and she was having trouble seeing the situation any more clearly.

_Kathryn you are starting to sound like Chakotay._

She stared up at the ceiling and rolled her eyes.

Outside the windows the city was humming to life and the morning was getting away from her. Tom was kissing across her stomach and she couldn't quite find it in herself to ask him to stop.

"We really need to get up," she croaked, her head flat on the mattress and cocooned by a nest of pillows. Tom didn't reply, just blew a raspberry on her hip bone instead and she laughed.

"Oh Tom," she sighed, drumming her nails lightly against his temple as he rested his head across her legs and looked her with his blue eyes. "What am I going to do with you?"

"I have some ideas," he replied with a grin as he twisted his neck and kissed between her thighs.

"May I say, you look radiant this morning captain," Neelix had offered when she'd eventually opened her bedroom door. She straightened her spine and raised her chin.

"Thank you, Mr Neelix," she replied primly, striding into the corridor with purposeful steps.

"Will Mr. Paris be joining us?" he stammered, glancing at Tom's door as they passed. Kathryn coughed.

"Don't make a sound," she had snapped, pressing her hand over his mouth as she shoved him backwards into the bathroom and glared at him with wide eyes. "Wait here until we're gone and then you can let yourself out." Tom blinked and she felt his smile against her skin, the warbling sound of his 'yes maam' muffled beneath her palm.

"He has other duties to attend to," she told Neelix curtly, stepping into the elevator and staring adjusting her cuff

There had been wine, there had been dancing, overall the kind of evening that encouraged even the most stoic of person to err but she was having a more difficult time explaining this morning's slip. Maybe she was just lonely. Maybe it was the way he made her smile. She would sure Tuvok would say, (not that she was ever, ever going to mention it to him), that there was little point dwelling on circumstances which had already occurred and that it would be more useful to focus instead on preventing them from occurring again. He was right of course, but it still meant that at the very least she'd have to talk to her eager young lieutenant, to explain if nothing else, that this was all highly inappropriate and would not be happening again, and that if he ever mentioned it to anyone she would personally flush him out of an airlock.

Well maybe she wouldn't flush him out of an airlock. Maybe she'd just die quietly of shame instead.

At that moment however, she had other more pressing things to contend with. She held her head high and plastered a charming smile on her face, taking refuge behind the familiar armor of her uniform.

She put on a good show that afternoon, a perfect model of Starfleet civility as they were taken on a tour of the city. She cooed over the architecture and made moon eyes at the technology, and whenever she sat down or stood up there was an ache between her legs to remind her of her terrible lapse in judgement.

Tom had at least had the sensibility to do some work that afternoon, and she was moderately relieved that he still appeared capable of following orders (even if the orders had been hastily conceived as she pulled up her underwear). His voice sounded from her comm badge to inform her that a transport was on its way to the ship loaded with supplies and that several _gifts_ seemed to have appeared in the back of their shuttle.

She hoped nothing showed in her face as they spoke and Neelix didn't seem to notice anything wrong, rather more enamored of other romantic notions. Their host was after all exceedingly accommodating, not unattractive and certainly in the appropriate age bracket.

"I believe our Ambassador is quite taken with you, captain," he whispered playfully at her and she made a show of clutching at her collar and blushing before allowing the Ambassador to take her arm and escort her around the gardens.

When she returned to her quarters that evening, it was not an unpleasant surprise to find a gown waiting for her. A gift from the ambassador, which was apparently not unusual in their culture. Nor indeed in her own, she mused as she admired it in the mirror. She didn't think too deeply about the circumstances, after all, the whole reason they had come here to build good relations. According to Tom, she'd been quite successful - the supplies on their way to the ship apparently including a healthy amount of dilithium.

It was the kind of question cadets talked about, and Kathryn had been a cadet once. Would she sleep with an official to get the things she needed for the crew? She had always considered herself to be highly principled but in the end, if it came to it, her answer was _maybe_. In the end, a captain will do whatever they must for their people, and other Starfleet captains had done far worse. So far she had not been in a position where she felt _had _to, even if there were situations when she'd thought she might quite _like _to. Maybe she might have quite liked to this time if things had been different, if she hadn't found herself comporting with a certain blue eyed lieutenant in a manner that was most definitely unbecoming of her station. She stood in front of the mirror at the foot of the bed and looked herself in the eye.

_You do realize, Kathryn, that he's seen you naked._

Fuck, fuck and shit.

Tom was waiting in the atrium with Neelix when she finally emerged for dinner. He looked almost too neat, stood almost _too much _to attention, something like a cadet who was hoping to make prefect. She would have reported that he was capable but couldn't say yet if he was really suited to the role.

They sat in the back of the transport with a perfectly respectable amount of space between them while Neelix pressed all of the buttons on the console. Tom gave her a mild, baffled look as the windows tinted, the lights flashed and Neelix chortled in amuement. She rubbed her finger over her lip and returned his small smile.

"Kathryn," their host greeted as they arrived, giving her an elegant bow and offering his arm. She pretended not to notice the way Tom's brow rose up his forehead and smiled graciously. She took the Ambassador's arm and let him walk her into the dining room, preferring not to think too much about it.

At the table the greasy old general, seeming more drunk than the last time they had met, listened intently as Neelix shared witticisms that would probably have been more amusing if she'd been paying more attention.

"So," Neelix explained to an apparently rapt audience. "She turns to him and says, if I were your wife, I would put poison in your tea." Kathryn smiled at the Ambassador, and pushed a vegetable around on her plate as a server refilled her drink.

"And you know what he replied?" Neelix asked with a huge grin. Kathryn she felt a socked foot sidling up her calf and went very still.

"Tell us," the general commanded jovially, raising his glass and taking another large swig. Kathryn drummed her nails against her glass as she watched Tom pick up his drink and take a loud, slurping sip. Neelix tugged his collar with a mischievous look his face.

"He said, if I were your husband, I would drink it!" he finished before promptly descending into hysterics. The general banged his hand on the table and guffawed. Tom's eyes twinkled.

After the final course, the toasting began. Her jaw ached from smiling so hard and her fingers were sticky from the drink that sloshed over the rims of the glassware as they toasted again, and again, and again. She washed her hands in the bathroom and sought refuge from the wine soaked delegates, loitering behind a tall plant in a small alcove down the hall as she admired the view of the city skyline.

"So this is where you're hiding," Tom whispered, his breath tickling her ear as he leaned in to her. She started a little in surprise, turning to see him grinning at her.

"Everybody's very drunk," she commented and his smile grew.

"But not you?" he queried. She held her hand against her stomach and pushed her shoulders back, shaking her hair out of her eyes.

"It would be quite indecorous for the captain to appear drunk at a formal function," she told him and he chuckled.

"You _are _drunk," he observed with no small measure of amusement.

"Not drunk enough," she complained, peering past his arm as the Ambassador crossed the hall. Tom chewed his lip thoughtfully and shielded her with his body.

"Your friend getting a bit handsy?" he asked, his eyes flicking up and down her body.

"He has a river boat," she drawled. Tom's brow went up. "He offered to take me for a ride on the canal." Her smile grew as she stifled a laugh. "To look at the stars."

"How romantic," Tom agreed in a teasing tone.

"Now Mr. Paris, that would be quite improper," she informed him primly, eyes glittering. "Inappropriate," she added, letting her gaze track down his body and exhaling a long sigh. "Injudicious," she finished, enunciating every syllable. Tom took a thoughtful breath and observed her with sympathetic eyes.

"Well you know," he said with a soft smile. "I won't tell if you won't." She pursed her lips.

"I hope not," she replied slowly, looking him in the eye. Tom's lashes fluttered.

"I thought about you all day," he murmured, stepping a little bit closer but she stopped him with palm to the chest.

"Tom," she cautioned, dropping her gaze. His lips twitched in a nervous sort of smile as he scanned her face for clues.

"Kathryn," Tom began, putting his hand on her waist. Something flip flopped in her stomach.

"Please," she uttered, closing her eyes but she didn't push his hand away. "I don't want to talk about it."

Neelix wanted to talk.

And talk and talk and talk. It wasn't as if he didn't talk enough already but now he was drunk_._ He squeezed her arm a little too strongly, leaned in a little too closely and laughed a little too loudly.

"Can I interest anybody in a nightcap?" he grinned with conspiratorial enthusiasm, waving a bottle of something blue at her as the rode the elevator. The liquid sloshed around inside the glass and Neelix laughed. Kathryn raised a brow, not certain quite what he found so funny. Tom leaned toward her ear.

"I got this," he told her before wrapping a strong arm around Neelix' shoulders and hustling him down the corridor to his room.

Kathryn watched them go, slipping into her room and picking her comm badge off her dress. She turned it over in her fingers and scraped her thumbnail over the edge, squeezing it in her palm for a second before she set it down on the table.

She changed into her nightgown and folded the dress away, setting it back in the box it came in and admiring it for a moment before she put the lid on. She stowed it on the dresser inside the door, flitting around the room to pick up the oddments she'd gathered during their short trip. A carved stone figure, an ornate design cut from a kind of paper, a string of beads with a blessing from the temple. She would put that one in her ready room.

They'd be going back to Voyager in the morning, back to the familiarity and security of the routine, back to the silence of her quarters. She knew he would knock on her door, but told herself she hadn't decided if she was going to open it.

Tom was leaning on the door frame with an expression that was both harried and amused, Neelix' bottle in his hand.

"He passed out," he told her. "Finally."

She smiled sympathetically and scratched her lip, gesturing at the bottle with her chin

"What's that?" she asked passively.

"I confiscated this," Tom explained, giving her a shrug and a half smile. "In case you felt like uh... not talking."

She poured them each a glass but in the end they didn't drink it. The bottle sat abandoned on a tea table in front of the couch where Tom lay twitching against the cushions as she gently dragged her fingernail up the underside of his cock. If she was really determined to put a stop to all this, it probably wasn't the wisest course of action to kiss down his stomach. No, it wasn't wise but she really, really wanted to.

"You know it only really just occurred to me how short you are," Tom commented a little while later, his arm wrapped around her keeping her tucked up under his chin. His fingers stroked idly up and down her arm as she rose and fell gently with his every intake of breath. He was very warm and she didn't want to move, content to wallow in the afterglow. She cracked an eye and peered up at him with as much menace as she could muster without actually moving. Tom chuckled. "It's cute."

"Thanks, I think," she said, closing her eyes again. Tom stroked her hair and it felt very nice.

"You know I keep waiting for you to give me the talk," he said eventually. "But then you do something like that, and..." Kathryn opened her eyes and stared at the untouched drinks on the table.

"I've been putting it off," she admitted, tapping her nails on his chest. Tom yawned loudly and squeezed her tight.

"Don't kick me out just yet," he uttered. She snuggled closer and pressed her face into the crook of his neck.

"No, not just yet," she agreed. Tom pressed his lips against her head.

"I don't want to go back tomorrow," he confessed. She didn't say anything and after a long pause, Tom shifted beneath her. She pushed up on her arm to give him some room while he wriggled down a little and leaned on his elbow beside her. "You know," he began, touching her cheek and his expression earnest. "It seems a pity just to leave it like this."

Kathryn ran a finger over his eye brow and considered her reply. After a minute she sat up slowly, leaning her elbow on her knee and pushing her hair back off her face.

"It's complicated," she said. He sat up beside her and stroked his hand up and down her back.

"I'm not sure it really is," he replied. She sighed.

"I should have used better judgement," she complained, pinching the bridge of her nose. Tom's nostrils flared.

"And how am I meant to take that?" he asked, clearly unimpressed.

"Oh don't look at me like that," she chided, shaking her head.

"How am I supposed to looked at you?" he uttered, an undercurrent of irritation seeping into his voice. She opened her mouth to speak and then closed it again, averting her eyes at his sigh. "I think I get it," he added sulkily.

"Don't be like this," she said, stroking her nails down the back of his neck."Tom," she implored, pouting at him but he twisted away from her touch with a frown on his face. "Don't spoil it."

"Me?" he uttered, his expression wide eyed. She sat back a little way and clasped her hands together and rubbed them on the tip of her nose.

"I'm the... _captain_," she sighed. "I can't just..." She couldn't quite get the last part out so she fell quiet. Tom looked at her through his lashes and she swallowed hard. "I'm sorry," she brushing the back of her knuckles over his cheek. He closed his eyes and swayed as she caressed him. "Don't be angry with me." She leaned her face close to his. "Tom," she said again and moved closer, insinuating herself onto his lap and putting her arms around him. "Tom," she said again, softer this time. It seemed to work because one hand slid up her back and the other into her hair. She squeezed him tight, and then kissed his ear, his temple, his cheek until he melted and held her close. "Let's go to bed," she urged, holding his face and kissing him on the mouth again until he gave her a proper kiss back.

He let her lead him to the bedroom and seemed willing enough to crawl in beside her and snuggle up close. He kissed her deeply, ran his hands over her stomach and cupped her breast.

"You forgive me," she said, running the tip of her finger over his lips. It was maybe half a question and half an order. He kissed her fingertip.

"Just seems like a waste," he said quietly, sidling up close and squeezing her hip. She pouted her lips at him and nodded.

In the morning the mood was almost somber as she climbed out of bed. He put his hands on her waist, pulling her between his legs and she went very still. She closed her eyes as he kissed up her spine and stroked his hands up her chest. He was kind of sullen as he on the couch to put on his clothes, peering up at her with the same kind of look her dog used to give her. She made him some tea because there wasn't any coffee and sank on the couch beside him while he put on his boots. He picked up his teacup and when she gave him a little smile, insinuated his arm around her shoulder.

"Don't," she implored, peeling it away and he gave her a mournful look. Kathryn felt unbearably shitty.

"I guess I'll see you soon then," he said, hovering inside the door. She nodded and he nodded and they stood in an awkward silence for a minute. "Bye then."

"Bye," she chirped. Tom took hold of the door handle and squeezed it, the casement rattling inside the wood. He took a deep breath and opened the door, and then let the breath out and closed it again. He turned around and took two quick strides toward her.

He put his arms around and hoisted her up so that their eyes were level and when he spoke, he seemed adorably determined. "Order me not to kiss you."

"Captain, I cannot apologize enough for my actions," Neelix rasped in shame when he finally emerged from his room. Tom smirked.

"I should think the hangover is sufficient punishment," Kathryn quipped, repressing her smile.

"It _was _quite a successful venture, if I do say so myself," Neelix commented, clearly relieved at her lack of response.

"Not bad, Mr. Neelix. Not bad, " she agreed.

Inside the shuttle, he closed his eyes and groaned as Tom took them up through the atmosphere, squeezing the arm rests on his seat and turning a sickly shade of yellow. When they emerged from the thermosphere, Kathryn unbuckled her belt and slipped into the back, clambering through the boxes of gifts and junk that had made their way into the shuttle. She found some water and moved back up to the front, handing it to him over his shoulder. Neelix took it with abashed gratitude and Tom was clearly struggling not to laugh. She avoided his eye and slipped back into the rear of the shuttle to dream about the steaming hot cup of coffee she was going to drink when she got back.

Save for the hum of the engines, the cabin was quiet. Kathryn cast her eye over a padd and perused some items Neelix had stacked up in a crate beside her. Items for his kitchen no doubt, she mused, turning the canister around in her hand. After a while, she became aware of a vague buzzing sound. It came and went and grew gradually louder and more persistent. Kathryn and rose to her feet, leaning around the bulkhead and peering over the top of a crate. Tom was swinging his seat from side to side and seemed to brighten a little when he saw her. She shook her head in a questioning gesture and he smiled, glancing at Neelix as he put his hands together and tucked them under his cheek in a gesture of sleep. Kathryn chuffed a quiet breath of amusement and smiled, shaking her head before sinking back down to her seat.

A few minutes went by and the snoring continued. Kathryn realized she was staring at her padd without really seeing so she switched it off and lay it on her lap. A flicker of shadow caught her attention and she looked up to see Tom appear between the crates. He leaned his elbow on one and gave her a smile, glancing back at the viewscreen.

"Shouldn't you be at the helm?" she asked and Tom put his finger to his lips.

"Autonav," he whispered. She frowned but then he crooked his finger at her, beckoning her toward him. Cautiously, she set the padd down and stood up, peering around the bulkhead to see what he was so interested in.

A large gas giant filled the viewscreen, swirling with red and white and framed by glittering rings of pink and purple and a dozen shades in between. She smiled.

Tom leaned his chin on his elbow and watched her, his lips turned up at the corners and his eyes soft.

"Beautiful," she said quietly and Tom nodded, his hand slipping down behind the crate to rest on the small of her back. She blinked and gave him what she thought was a stern look before turning away and settling back down in her little nook. Tom stepped closer and she peered up at him, holding her padd against her chest like a shield. He sank down beside her and she shook her head at him as his arms went around her waist and he leaned closer.

"Lieutenant," she chided as he pressed her back against the bulkhead.

"Ssh," Tom said before he pressed his lips against hers. Kathryn put her hands against his chest and the padd slipped to the floor with a faint thud. Neelix' soft snore drifted in and out and the engines hummed, and she was kind of pissed off about it but she still kissed him anyway.

The shuttle bay was crowded when she finally stepped out, crewmen moving in and out of stacks of supplies that lined the space. Chakotay was waiting for them on the landing pad with a big smile on his face. She felt dreadfully, painfully guilty.

"I take it things went well," he said as she approached, gesturing at the crates stacked along the walls.

"I'd say so," Kathryn replied, casting her eye around the hive of activity. Chakotay grinned.

"Who could resist that old Janeway charm," he quipped stepping beside her and letting his hand rest on the small of her back. Kathryn let out a huff of amusement and gave him a smile.

"Commander," Neelix said with a nod as he passed. "Captain." They watched as he shuffled out of the shuttle bay doors with a hand on his temples and Chakotay's grin widened but Lieutenant Paris emerged from the shuttlecraft and his smile slipped. "Thank you Mr, Paris, you're dismissed," he said in a flat, gruff tone. Kathryn stared at the pips on his collar.

"Sir," Tom replied as he passed. "Captain," he added, turning away before she could get a look at his face. "Did he behave himself?" Chakotay asked with a wry kind of amusement as Tom's disappeared through the shuttle bay doors. Kathryn pursed her lips.

"More or less," she replied.


	4. Chapter 4

_Hi! THE WAIT IS OVER! So like, in terms of a plot, there isn't one, apart from them vaguely falling in love in between shagging the living shit out of eachother - because I am a hopeless romantic even if my fics are all filled with filth and smut. So let's not worry too much about all the ways in which I'm butchering the characterisation (and I AM butchering it) and how I've taken grotesque liberties with things like what deck the captain's quarters are on or whatever. Let's just enjoy all the ridiculous sappy romance and smut that will be coming as this silly bit of fluff progresses. Smooch!_

Well there was nothing quite like throwing yourself into your work to avoid facing things in your personal life. She'd told Chakotay once that Voyager was her whole life and maybe it was and maybe it wasn't, but that was the life a Starfleet captain chose.

But then hadn't she herself said that all they had was eachother? Hadn't she said that was a luxury she as captain didn't get to enjoy? She had a feeling that whenever Chakotay tried to convince her that given the circumstances, it was acceptable for her to be human too, he had only said it because he'd imagined himself to be the one humanizing her. Maybe she gave herself more credit than she was due.

Kathryn wasn't ignoring Tom. She hadn't had time to ignore him and to give him his due he'd behaved exactly as the kind of officer she'd always believed him to be. There were no lingering looks across the bridge, no surreptitious caresses or suggestive quips. Not that there had really been time for that kind of thing amid the hull breaches and the hostile fire. She wasn't entirely sure she'd have chosen to spend the last ten days lurching from one crisis to another but it was what it was and it was life on Voyager. No, there hadn't been time for anything except Tom's dutiful 'yes, maam' and the fierce set of his jaw as he'd gotten down to work. No, she hadn't had time to ignore him, or to miss him, but that didn't mean she hadn't thought about him. Hadn't lurched like the bridge crew when the inertial dampeners went off line, between compunction and craving as she glanced from Chakotay's eyes to into Tom's.

She hid away now in her ready room, nursing a cup of coffee beneath the viewport and staring out at unfamiliar stars. Now that she had time to think about him, she had time to miss him and god, it really all would have been so much easier if she didn't miss him. How could you miss someone who was right there? She rubbed her temples and screwed up her face in frustration at quite how foolish she was being. Except that when she was with him, he made it so easy to smile and the only thing she had to force was to not smile too much because then she might give herself away. And when he touched her, he made it feel like the two of them together was the most natural thing in the universe and she couldn't stop thinking about it.

She was ridiculous. Even if she wasn't his captain, even if they were just civilians on Earth, it would still be ridiculous and impossible because he was too young and his father would be so disappointed in her. She stared into her coffee cup and sighed.

The doors to her ready room chimed and her reverie was broken.

"Come in," she croaked and a moment later the doors hissed open to admit her first officer, a padd in his hands and a quirk on his brow.

"Anyone else would have collapsed into bed by now," he quipped with a smile as he ambled towards her. "But of course here you are with a cup of coffee."

Oh, did he really have to smile at her so much, did he really have to be so kind to her?

"We all have our foibles," she said with a mild shrug. "Join me?"

Chakotay stepped up onto the platform and sank down on the couch beside her, considering the pot on the table.

"Maybe if I drink it all, you won't be able to," Chakotay said, grinning at her. "And then you might get some sleep."

"Is that for me?" she asked, gesturing at the padd as she tried to remind herself that she didn't owe him anything just because he showed her a little concern.

"It is but you know, maybe I should just keep hold of it until tomorrow." Kathryn swirled her coffee around in her cup and held his eye.

"I am resting," she told him, gesturing at the viewport. "I am relaxing with a cup of coffee, admiring the stars." Chakotay regarded her with a cynical expression.

"I was thinking more along the lines of pajamas and hot cocoa," he retorted. "And maybe some real food. Neelix made something called pleeka rind casserole and apparently it's quite good."

"Sounds _delightful_," Kathryn chuckled sarcastically. Chakotay's grin widened.

"You know, if the mess hall doesn't tempt you," he continued after a moment. "I've been saving my replicator rations this week."

"Bribery, Chakotay?" she queried.

"Hardly," he countered.

"Alright, alright," she conceded. "But you don't need to buy me off with your rations. Besides if this stew is as delectable as the name suggests, you'll be needing them yourself." Chakotay chuckled then and regarded her with affectionate eyes.

"Tuvok and I have the bridge covered," he said, an air of satisfaction radiating from him at her apparent compliance and his tone amused. "If I see you back here before 0800, I'll relieve you of command."

"I shall consider myself duly reprimanded," Kathryn replied, shaking her head at him indulgently.

"And in that vein, let me relieve you of this," he added playfully, reaching forward to take her coffee cup from her hand. "Waste not, want not." He took a swig and made a face, shaking his head and giving her a mocking kind of side eye as he reached forward to take some sugar from the pot on the table.

"Philistine," she tutted as she rose to her feet and moved to take the padd from him.

"No, this can wait," he said, swiping it away from her and she gave him a look. "Enjoy your stew," he teased.

The mess was fairly busy when she entered and Kes waved at her enthusiastically from across the room. Kathryn was grateful for the distraction because Tom was sitting to one side with Harry and she felt his eyes on her as she entered. She approached the counter, eyeing the contents of the pan sceptically as Neelix served the crewmen waiting ahead of her.

"Want some company?" Kes chirped, appearing beside her.

"I'd like that," Kathryn told her earnestly, taking in Kes' sweet smile and letting one of her own spread across her face.

"Captain, well this is a pleasure," Neelix gushed in a sing song voice as she drew near. "May I offer you some of today's speciality - pleeka rind stew?" Someone really ought to have told him that the word rind didn't translate so well into Standard. She opened her mouth and hesitated, eyes darting to the side as Harry appeared beside her to take some fruit from a dish on the end of the counter.

"Tom's not a fan but actually I quite liked it," he told her with a boyish smile.

"Uh huh," Kathryn replied, turning to observe as Tom mushed the contents of his dish around with an unhappy expression painted on his face.

"We also have some leola root," Neelix added hopefully. "If you'd prefer." Harry smirked at the captain's expression and she couldn't deny that she wouldn't shed a tear if she never saw another leola root in her life.

"No, no, this will be fine, Mr. Neelix," she replied at length.

"It tastes a lot better than it looks," Kes assured her, taking a piece of fruit and passing it between her hands as they approached a table.

"How have you been?" Kathryn asked and Kes beamed as she talked. Kathryn pushed the stew around her plate and nibbled on what seemed like a vegetable but it was all just so unbearably _meaty _tasting and all she could think of was _rinds_. She set her spoon down and took a sip of her drink, glancing over to where Tom sat across the room. He was pushing his dish across the table as Harry eagerly dug in with his spoon.

"I have something I've been wanting to show you," Kes said, smiling.

"Oh?" Kathryn supplied, holding her cup in both hands and looking Kes in the eye as she spoke.

"Tuvok's been teaching me to hybridize orchids," Kes explained. Kathryn was listening. Really she was. She glanced over the rim of her cup to watch as Tom picked up a piece of fruit and cut into it.

"I love orchids," Kathryn replied.

"Neelix was sure you wouldn't approve of me diverting the growing space," Kes told her with a bright smile."But I knew you'd understand." Tom brought a piece of fruit to his lips and looked her right in the eye as he took a loud crunching bite.

"I know you're busy," Kes was saying as she escorted her to the turbolift a little while later.

"Well I'm sure I can make the time somehow," Kathryn said conspiratorially. "Captain's prerogative." Kes grinned.

"If you like, I could bring one of them to your ready room," Kes suggested as they came to a stop by the turbolift doors. She made a point of not noticing how Tom bounced up and down on the balls of his feet, or how Harry didn't seem to know what do with his hands as they waited for the car to arrive. "Brighten the place up a little," Kes finished.

"That sounds lovely," Kathryn replied.

"Well alright then," Kes beamed. "Bye!"

"Flowers?" Tom asked as Kes disappeared down the corridor.

"Orchids," Kathryn responded idly.

"My father likes Orchids," Harry interjected earnestly, smiling at her broadly.

"Oh?" Kathryn chirped.

"Yes they symbolize uh...," he began before trailing off. Kathryn raised a brow.

"They symbolize what Harry?" Tom prodded and Harry seemed excessively relieved when the turbolift doors opened.

"Going down, captain?" he asked and Kathryn blinked. Harry gulped and stared at her wide eyed. "I mean, I'm going up. But Tom's going down."

"Please, Harry," she insisted softly, gesturing with her hand for him to enter. He smiled bashfully and stepped inside.

"Thanks," he said. The doors closed and Tom stood smirking beside her, so she studied the carpet and crossed her arms over her chest. When she glanced up, she found him peering down at her with a cheeky expression. Kathryn rubbed her lips together and took a slow, deep breath. Tom's eyes flicked over her head as a crewman passed behind them and disappeared down the hall.

"How are you?" he asked passively. Polite enough conversation she supposed. Kathryn licked her lips and drummed her fingernails against her bicep.

"Fine," she replied idly, looking here, there and everywhere, anywhere but his eyes.

"Glad to hear it," he said, rocking on the balls of his feet. They were silent for a moment before she felt compelled to rejoin.

"And are you well?" she asked, glancing sideways at his chest. He seemed to consider this for a moment before he replied.

"I could be better," he said eventually. She peered up at his eye for just a moment before the turbolift doors whooshed open again.

"Deck three," she intoned as the doors closed.

"Taking a break," Tom mused.

"That's right," she said, her eyes tracking the flash of light between the closed doors. Tom coughed.

"Actually, I need to talk to you," he said.

"Do you?" she said unhelpfully, wondering how it could possibly take so long to travel all of one deck.

"Yes," he answered and she chewed her lip for a moment, glancing up to look him in the eye for a second. It was probably a mistake. It was most definitely a mistake. And then lift was stopping and the doors were opening again. Kathryn hesitated for a moment, blinking very slowly before and biting her lip.

A sluggish feeling washed through her thighs that made it difficult to move with any speed and her lashes fluttered as she dropped her arms to her sides and forced herself to step out of the car. There were thankfully few residents on this deck these days, the empty VIP suites now inhabited by vats of mycoproteins and edible yeasts maturing undisturbed in the darkened rooms. The corridor was empty and almost utterly silent, save for the hum of the circuits that ran behind the wall panels and the faint sound of her footfalls against the decking.

Behind her, the turbolift doors hissed shut and a second pair of footsteps chimed with her own, the vague hush of his soles on the carpet betraying his presence. She turned a corner and hovered a few steps from her door, turning around and mentally preparing herself to send him away.

"You shouldn't be here," she told him firmly, authoritatively, betraying herself by taking a step backward as he moved a little closer.

"What else am I supposed to do?" he said, stepping toward her.

"Not this," she replied, the doors to her quarters opening behind her as Tom came closer still.

"I just want to talk to you," he said, stepping over the threshold into her room until the doors hissed shut behind him.

"Tom," she began, her shoulders sagging. "You have to leave."

"Are you ordering me to leave?" he asked quietly and taking a step closer. She sighed.

"You know this is a bad idea, Tom," she said, backing up until the table pressed into her thighs.

"Maybe," he conceded, standing right in front of her and looking down into her eyes. "I've been thinking about you." His voice was gentle, plaintive even. She closed her eyes and swayed. "Didn't you think about me too?"

_Be strong, Kathryn. Be strong._

"Maybe just a little bit," she confessed.

She really was the most terrible hypocrite but at the very least, Tom didn't seem to hold it against her. He lifted her into his arms and pressed his lips to hers. Yes maybe she had missed him just a teeny tiny bit.

"You know," Tom assured her between kisses, holding her against him with his hands on her thighs. "I really did want to talk to you."

"Uh huh," she said, wrapping her legs around his waist and holding on to him tightly as he stumbled further into the room. His hands squeezed her backside and little shocks of pleasure when shooting through her core as something deep inside her clenched. "Computer seal doors," she choked, pressing her nails into his shoulders. Tom practically purred.

"I can't stop thinking about it," he rasped into her mouth and she whimpered, moaning into his kiss as he carried her away from the door. "About you."

"Yes," she agreed even as she was sticking her tongue into his mouth. He carried her into the bedroom and a moment later she found herself spread out across the bed. "Yes, tell me," she told him, her hands pushing his jacket back from his shoulders as he leaned over her.

"I keep thinking about how you feel," he told her, his voice as urgent as his hands as she kicked her boots off and threw her jacket onto the floor.

"Don't stop," she urged, lifting her arms as he pulled her shirt and tank top over her head in one swift motion. Her hair half fell out and she brushed it out of her eyes to see him staring at her bra.

"I keep thinking about how you taste," he confessed, his hands covering her breasts and squeezing her through the scratchy fabric of her bra. "Fuck," he added breathlessly, mouthing her through the thin material before pushing it one side and fixing his mouth hotly over her nipple.

"Oh shit," she moaned, her pussy clenching at his confession. She pulled him close and trailed her nails through his hair with one hand while the other sought out the soft skin beneath his shirt. Tom leaned back just long enough to pull it over his head and she hummed in delight as he leaned close again.

"I keep thinking about being inside you," he said, one hand sliding down to cup between her thighs and she gasped. Her hips moved of their own volition into his touch, her clit tingling demandingly as he caressed her through her pants.

"Yes, I want you inside of me," she gasped, wriggling out of her pants and twitching as Tom unhelpfully pressed a finger into her pussy. "Tom, Tom, Tom," she chanted, flailing like a fish as she pushed into his touch even as she tried kicked her pants over her ankles. "Shit," she gasped, her back arching as a second finger joined the first.

"Fuck you're so wet," he grunted. It probably wasn't a good thing that she was getting used to his dirty talk, that she was starting to like it ever so slightly maybe a just a little bit.

She moaned and squeezed his cock through his pants before pulling at the fastening with desperate hands. He moaned as her fingers coiled around his erection and staggered comically as he kicked his pants away. Kathryn just stared at his cock, hot and heavy in her hand and if she had been capable of rational thought, she might have considered that she couldn't remember the last time she had wanted someone so badly.

Oh it was such a terrible mistake to let him rub his cock against her pussy. She fell back against the bedsheets and writhed lustfully as he pushed her thighs up and dragged the head of it up and down the length of her slit. Her hips rolled in compliance and when she glanced up at him, he was smiling wickedly.

"I remembered how you like that," he told her and she flushed. "I remembered every moment."

"Yeah I like it," she whimpered, her voice feeble and girlish even as she was thrusting her hips up wantonly towards him.

"Yeah, I like it too," he said, closing his eyes and kissing her again. Kathryn stroked her hands across his shoulders and down his back.

"Don't tease me," she murmured despairingly, kissing his collarbone as her hand slid around his hip. He kissed her neck and she melted against the mattress. He pushed up on his elbow to look at her face, but she closed her eyes as his cock sank slowly inside of her. She let out a satisfied gasp and he did likewise, pressing in as deep as he could go before pulling back and doing it all over again. She spread her legs wider, tilted her hips up a little higher and squeezed his ass as he moved into her once more.

Yes, she was definitely a hypocrite, a terrible, wanton hypocrite but oh, she wanted him. He leaned up on his arms and stared down at her as he began to roll his hips in earnest, his expression halfway between playful and deranged.

"Fuck your pussy feels so good," he told her and she gasped, something shameful and delicious rippling through her chest at his words.

"Oh shit," she whined, her voice a lustful panting cry. "Oh fuck." She flushed hotly because she had not previously considered herself the type to babble filth into her lover's ear but apparently she was getting into it. Tom however was one hundred percent the type and she wasn't sure if it was shame or desire that she was feeling as he pressed close against her and put his lips on her cheek, rambling lustfully about how he was going to fuck her. She _really, really _wanted him to fuck her right then. "Oh yes I really want you to," she confessed, holding his face in her hands and kissing him.

"You want me to fuck you," Tom babbled and she gasped.

"Yes I want you to fuck me," she choked and Tom seemed to _love _that because when she came, he practically fawned over her.

"Oh, she's coming, she's coming," he soothed as she clenched around him, her face screwing up and a loud cry spilling out of her chest. "Oh baby," he murmured, kissing her on the lips and leaning back to rub her clit with a gentle finger. "Baby, baby." Kathryn hissed and gasped, breathless almost like being winded as he drew out her pleasure until it tumbled out of her chest in a long sigh and she melted like ice cream off a spoon.

"Baby, baby," he blathered, nuzzling her cheek and her neck before leaning over to kiss her and press deep inside of her once more. Kathryn stroked her nails down the back of his neck and up and down his spine, eyes half closed as he kissed her cheek. "You're so sexy," he told her as he rolled his hips, his erection still hard as a rock inside of her. She held him close and smiled as he babbled obscenities in her ear."I want to come all over you," he told her wickedly, nostrils flaring and jaw clenched. Kathryn flushed hotly at his words. "Inside you," he continued breathlessly. "In your mouth."

"Dirty boy," she gasped in shock, holding his head in her hands and trying to catch her breath as his words became a sputtering, sobbing groan.

"On yuh...yuh...Oh fuck, Kathryn," he choked, burying his face in her neck as he went stiff in her arms.

_Such a filthy mouth, _she mused, biting her lip and stroking the back of his head as he lay in a sweaty heap on top of her. She closed her eyes and let herself drift in the post coital haze. It was very quiet and she became vaguely aware of her hair pins digging into her scalp.

"Kiss me," Tom demanded softly after a little while and she complied, twisting her head to face him. He shifted to one side, his arms snaking underneath her and caressing one hand up and down her side as the other stroked through her hair. She sighed and with sleepy hands, pulled the pins out and flicked them lazily over the side of the bed.

Just for a minute.

She would cuddle him for just a minute and then she would throw him out.

Her eyes were sticky with sleep when she finally opened them and all the lights were still on, clothes dumped unceremoniously all over the floor. Tom was KO'd on the mattress beside her, his face pressed into the pillow and his mouth slightly open. He wasn't snoring exactly but he was breathing the deep, slow breath of the sleeping. She cast her eye over his bare chest and down to the sandy thatch of hair between his thighs, his legs half covered by the bedsheets and one single socked foot sticking out over the side of the bed.

The sight of him was as charming as it was damning.

She rubbed her face over her hand and slipped across the room to retrieve her robe, tying it about her waist and disappearing into the bathroom to wash her face. She didn't want to dwell too much on what she looked like, but suffice to say she looked like she'd been ravished. The sonic shower would make too much noise so she splashed her face, ran a damp cloth between her legs and then brushed her hair, emerging from the bedroom to find Tom blinking at her from the pillows.

"What time is it?" he croaked.

"The time is 0417," the computer helpfully supplied. Tom's eyes widened a little and Kathryn responded with a raised brow. "Oh, we _slept_," he commented.

"We did," Kathryn replied, rubbing her lips together and scuffing her toe back and forth on the carpet.

"Your bed is so nice though," he said, snuggling down and closing his eyes again. "It's so big." Kathryn scratched the back of her head and let out a little sigh of breath, not entirely sure what to do with him. She walked around the bed and picked up their clothes instead. "You want me to leave don't you?" he said eventually, watching her from the mattress.

"I'm not sure what difference it makes at this point," she replied, putting his clothes on a chair and throwing her own into the refresher. Tom nodded.

"Well then come back to bed," he urged softly. "Kathryn." She picked up her hair pins off the floor and sank down onto the foot of the bed with a little sigh.

"I'm awake now," she offered lamely. Tom pressed the tip of his nose between his palms, considering something. "Are you thirsty?"

"Are we getting up?" he asked.

"I guess?" she replied with a shrug. He smiled at her gently.

"Coffee would be nice," he said and she nodded, rising to her feet and crossing the floor.

"How do you...?" she asked, hovering in the doorway.

"Black, no sugar," Tom supplied and she eyed him curiously for a moment as he turned his legs over the side of the bed.

She approached the replicator and waited for the drinks to appear, vaguely aware of him moving around in the bathroom. As the console hummed and whirred, Mark's face stared at her accusingly from the picture frame on her desk and her mouth went dry. The toilet flushed and she took a deep breath, marching toward the table and flattening the picture with one quick swipe of her hand.

"I like your bath tub," he said, appearing in the doorway with his underpants on. Kathryn was grateful for that at least.

"Huh, yeah," she chuffed vaguely, wincing more than smiling but Tom probably couldn't tell the difference. She took a step toward him, coffee cup extended in front of her.

"Thank you," he said, taking if from her and observing her cautiously. Kathryn turned away from him and blew across the surface of her coffee before taking a little sip. "Isn't this the part where you tell me it was a mistake and it's not going to happen again?"

"It _was _a mistake," Kathryn answered wearily, sinking down onto the couch. "And it's not going to happen again." Tom pursed his lips and perched on the armchair and took a thoughtful breath.

"Whatever you say," he said, seeming to find his coffee suddenly very interesting.

"Let's...not," she said, peering to one side and shaking her head. "It's too early." Tom hummed.

"You know I really did want to talk to you," he said after a minute. "It's not my fault that you had other ideas." She straightened her spine and raised her chin to glare at him with a haughty expression but he smiled and she suddenly wasn't as indignant as she might have been. His stomach rumbled loudly. "Are you going to feed me before you throw me out at least?" he asked.

When she let him get whatever he wanted from the replicator, Tom looked at her like it was Christmas morning. She sat in her armchair and observed as he sat crossed legged on the floor eating his french toast.

"Aren't you going to have something?" he asked, sipping his juice. Kathryn shook her head. Tom made a face but she just sipped her coffee and gave him a look.

"So you wanted to tell me something," she said, twisting around so that her legs hung over the armrest. Tom crunched loudly on his toast, his eyes like slits and his nostrils flaring as she adjusted her robe over her legs. "Tom," she said pointedly as he ran his gaze over her. He swallowed and wiped his mouth with a napkin.

"Just so you know," he said, clearing his throat and staring at her legs. "Before you get all..._officious _with me." Kathryn raised a brow as he met her eye with a lustful expression painted across his brow. "I meant all those things I said to you before. Every single one."

She flushed hotly, a warm wave of something washing through her to settle as a hot throb between her thighs. She swallowed hard.

What was she supposed to do with him when he said things like that?


	5. Chapter 5

Y'all_ know that song that goes 'We're traaaaaaaash you and me, we're the litter on the breeze.' That's me and you and this chapter mwahahaha. I wish we all got off as easily as Kathryn Janeway does in this fic, but then I never said I was going for realism with this, just smut. This chapter heavily refernces the s2 episode 'Investigations'. LLAP PQ_

Leadership was a tricky thing, especially when your ship and its crew were the only outpost of your entire civilization for at least another 60,000 light years. It wasn't easy, but Kathryn hadn't become a Starship captain by pursuing anything that was easy. To be fair, most Starship captains didn't expect to stranded on the other side of the galaxy but you had to play the hand you were dealt.

Whatever her feelings for any member of her crew – and she _did have _feelings for them, she was in command and she had only come to be in command by being a certain kind of person. She hoped that she was the kind of leader that people loved, because underneath the uniform she was in fact really rather kind hearted. But anyone who mistook her kindness for softness was sorely mistaken, because the flinty eyed Kathryn Janeway knew all too well that when you were a starship captain being loved didn't matter nearly as much as being respected.

And sometimes that meant hurting people's feelings, or risking people that you cared about more than maybe you should. Sometimes it meant being a beacon of moral rectitude in the gloom of iniquity while simultaneously exploiting that gloom in order to mine depths of deviousness of which your crew would not have thought you capable.

And sometimes for that you needed help.

She folded her arms over her chest and observed her co-conspirator with a raised brow.

"I didn't think he was going to end up on his ass," Tom mumbled from the other side of the force field. Kathryn ambled idly up and down the outside of the cell and nodded contemplatively, not entirely sure that she believed him. "He must be pissed," Tom added, catching her eye. She let out a rueful puff of laughter.

"Oh I'd say so," she confirmed. Tom held her gaze and pursed his lips, rising to his feet and stepping closer.

"Well, that's what we wanted right?" Kathryn drummed her fingernails against her bicep and considered this. She couldn't disagree and wondered what it said about her that she found Chakotay's indignation more amusing than anything, even if her First Officer might not see it that way. Tom hadn't really seemed to find it too much of a chore to torment him, but perhaps that was a chain of thought for another time.

She left him in the brig for a few hours, much to his displeasure, and then confined him to quarters, much to her First Officer's. Tuvok had spewed out some Starfleet regulations and Kathryn stared out of the viewport as Chakotay railed about Tom's misdemeanors, attempting to project some kind of dispassionate disappointment in her apparently wayward crewmember. Voyager buzzed with the gossip but she'd been prepared for that, and all things considered, there were worse things that could have been gossiped about.

She had to admit it felt odd on the bridge without him, and poor, innocent Harry emanated an air of desolation at his friend's apparent misdeeds. Kathryn was flattered really, that he put so much faith in her that he was willing to quell the feeling in his gut that told him all the fuss around Tom was in fact a steaming heap of crap. She kept busy, which wasn't difficult, and away from Tom, which was more difficult, and when Tuvok came to her a few days later with news of the Talaxian convoy it seemed the right time to talk to the wayward Mr. Paris about his bad attitude.

He was in his civvies when she buzzed on his door, his eyes flashing when he saw her standing in the hall with her arms tucked behind her back.

"Captain," he said although she couldn't quite read his tone.

"Lieutenant," she replied as she observed the nervous bob of his throat.

"Come to tell me the error of my ways?" he asked.

"Something like that," she replied, stepping past him with a haughty expression. She cast her eye around his quarters, vaguely twisting the heel of her boot into the carpet as he came a little closer. The doors hissed shut and he looked her in the eye.

"How are you holding up?" she asked and Tom took a thoughtful breath.

"Oh you know," he said, his lip curling up playfully even if the light in his eyes was kind of woebegone.

"Tuvok came to see you?" she queried mildly and he nodded. She looked him up and down for a moment "And everything's...in order?" Tom nodded.

"I think so," he replied.

"Well," she said non-committally. She turned away from him, her fists clenching and unclenching at her sides. Tom sank down on the bench and observed her for a minute until she turned to face him once again. "You'll be careful," she said, like it was an order rather than an expression of concern.

"I'll be careful," he concurred. Kathryn let out a ragged breath and sat down on the bench beside him. "Try not to worry," he said consolingly.

"It's my job to worry," she said, avoiding his eyes. Tom hummed and reached for her hand, squeezing her fingers gently. Kathryn stared at the crack up the middle of the door and exhaled, brushing her thumb over the back of his hand. When she finally looked him in the eye, his smile turned into a mischievous grin.

"You could wish me luck?" he suggested. Kathryn's eyes flicked up and down his face and she softened a little.

"Good luck," she murmured, leaning her forehead against his for a moment before she kissed him.

Yes, she probably should have thought about this before she let herself get involved with him but it was a little late in the day for that.

"I had an interesting little incident with the doctor," Tom told her when they broke apart, his mouth curling up into a smile.

"Oh?" she chirped, staring at his mouth and only half listening. He chuckled.

"He asked me for advice about his broken heart," Tom explained and Kathryn found herself grinning.

"_You _gave _him _advice about a broken heart?" she queried sceptically. Tom nodded, his expression amused.

"Don't act so surprised," he complained gently. "Besides, I'm something of an expert on rejection. You should know that."

"Ah," Kathryn demurred with mock seriousness. "So what did you tell him?"

"Well I've been thinking about that," he replied. She watched his expression as she waited for him to answer, her brow furrowing as his eyes went out of focus making him seem very faraway.

"And?" she pressed at his silence.

"Do you remember my graduation?" he asked. Kathryn furrowed her brow in confusion at his sudden change of topic.

"Yeeah," she hummed curiously in reply. Tom chuckled and let out a wistful sigh and her smile grew as she recalled an overenthusiastic and _very drunk _cadet and his excessively proud father. She clutched the edge of the seat beneath her hands and swung her legs back and forth, chuckling at the memory. "You were such a baby face," she teased and his cheeks went a little bit pink even as he smiled.

"You know there are photos of that night," he said, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "I think they're at my parents house," he said.

"Oh god," Kathryn snorted, rolling her eyes.

"Shame we can't take a look at them," he mused and she tilted her head to one side.

"Oh no, I'm quite happy for them to stay out of sight in the Alpha Quadrant," she said with a chuckle.

"Oh I would totally have them frosted onto your birthday cake," Tom told her with wide eyes.

"You must have gotten really comfy in the brig," she said maliciously. Tom laughed and gave her a broad smile. "So how did it work out?"

"Hmm?" Tom said, his brow twitching.

"With the doctor?" she prodded and his mouth made an O.

"I'm not sure," he replied, shaking his head. "It just got me thinking."

"About?" she murmured softly. Tom held her gaze, his expression tender.

"Oh, you know," he said with a vague shrug. "Just that you never know how things are going to work out," he said. Kathryn reached over and stroked his cheek with her palm.

"No, I guess not," she said.

No you never knew how things were going to work out. Anything could happen and she might never seem him again, the least she could do was wish him luck. At least, that was what she told herself as he lay back across the carpet and pulled her down on top of him, his hands peeling away her jacket as she reached up to unpin her hair.

She leaned close and kissed him as his hands roamed her chest, kneeling with her legs on either side of his waist as he pulled her tank top up over her head. He leaned towards her and pulled her close with a broad palm against her back and buried his face between her breasts, his loud sigh a hot exhalation of breath against her skin. She pushed her hair to one side and closed her eyes, Tom's fingers gently trailing through the long strands before he reached up to kiss her on the mouth again. She could feel him hard through his pants and twisted her hips against his until he groaned.

"I love touching you," he whispered, his palm stroking down her side and disappearing under the waistband of her pants. Kathryn clasped his shoulders beneath her fingers and kneeled up to let him slip his fingers into her underwear. He held the back of her head in his palm and stroked gently back and forth until her breath fell out of her in debased little gasps. She wriggled out of her pants, leaning on his shoulder until he flopped back on the carpet and pulled her down with him. His face seemed so serious and she wasn't sure she could deal with the odd flip flopping feeling it fostered in her stomach.

"How come I always end up more naked than you?" Kathryn complained playfully as she opened the fastening on his pants. His lips turned up in a smile that melted into a little gasp of pleasure as her fingers circled his erection.

"You're better looking," Tom volunteered, swallowing hard and meeting her eye. She smiled, pushing her hair back over her shoulder as he cupped her breast.

"Oh I don't know," she said, leaning close and kissing the side of his nose. "That baby face?" She put her palms on the carpet on either side of his head and stretched cat like, her nipples grazing his chest as her hips hovered over his.

"I want to put this face between your legs," he gasped, squeezing her ass but she wasn't entirely listening. She let out a long exhalation of breath as she pressed down onto him, laying her cheek against his collarbone and twisting her hips _just_ so.

"Promise?" she muttered, closing her eyes to enjoy the feeling of him pressing deep inside of her. Tom watched her through slitted eyes as she moved, one hand stroking her hair and her face while the other trailed up and down her side. His adam's apple bobbed in his throat and it all seemed a little more forlorn than it had when they'd done it before. Kathryn took a deep breath and rocked her hips a little faster, lightly pressing her nails into his chest for purchase and relishing his little hissing gasp of breath as she did.

His hand slipped down to her hip, his fingers dragging slowly inward until his thumb gently nudged her clit. She sighed with pleasure at the little static shocks that fizzled through her thighs. His jaw quivered and his nostrils flared as he looked her right in the eye.

"I love being inside you," he uttered and she flushed hotly, closing her eyes to avoid his penetrating, blue gaze. She wasn't quite sure why this time she felt so exposed, but she couldn't deny it made her tingle with pleasure as he whispered in her ear. "I love to watch you come." She clenched tight around him, wetness flooding between her thighs and a whispering gasp of breath tumbling from between her lips. "I love to be the reason why." She pressed her face against his chest and he held her tight as her climax shuddered through her, the only sound in the silent room her panting rasp as she caught her breath.

His hands stroked up and down her back gently and she turned her head to press a kiss in the middle of this chest. Peering up at his face she noticed the vague frown mar his brow as she wriggled her hips and his cock slipped out of her pussy to drag wetly against her thigh. She smiled at him and kissed down his chest, suitably gratified as his frown soon melted away. She scraped her nails lightly over his hipbones and enjoying the way his stomach twitched, unabashed as his cock brushed against her cheek. Tom's hands settled on her shoulders, his chest hitching as she kissed up the length of him and when she took him between her lips he moaned.

"Yeah I want to come in your mouth," he babbled and she tried not to smile. She might be sending him off to get beaten or shot or worse, so she figured that it was the least she could do. She relished the weight of him in her mouth, and the way his fingers tangled in her hair as took him in deep. She hollowed her cheeks out as she pulled back, tolerating the heavy handed grip on the back of her head as he came with a choking sob.

Tom pulled her close against him and stroked her hair as he caught his breath, so she pressed her face into his neck and stroked her nails over his jaw.

"Come back in one piece huh?" she murmured, tapping his lip with her index finger.

"Yes, maam," he promised softly. Kathryn smiled.

The next time she heard those words they were coming from Ensign Kim, and while she might have repressed her smile, her eyes were wide with glee. No, you never knew how things were going to work out. Kathryn always thrilled at saying "Fire at will" but never quite as much as she did that afternoon on the bridge. While she might appear as outwardly composed as ever, privately she would admit it was a great relief to have the whole sorry business done with. The spy had been revealed and Tom was back on board, more or less undamaged.

"Overall a successful endeavor," Tuvok commented privately in her ready room as they prepared for the debriefings.

"Vaporizing streams of plasma notwithstanding," Kathryn added, swivelling in her chair and peering up at him as she sipped her coffee. Tuvok quirked a brow.

"I trust it will not reflect poorly upon myself, if I admit that I consider Mr. Jonas demise an acceptable cost," he told her. Kathryn took a deep breath and considered this, not quite able to disagree. It's not that she was the type to celebrate the death of another, but it was certainly easier to offset against the safety of the ship and the crew. She stared into her coffee cup and watched her reflection shimmering in on the surface of her coffee, tallying the figures inside her head – one treacherous crewman, Tom Paris' cranium, Chakotay's self esteem, and maybe her virtue. All in all, she didn't feel particularly shortchanged, even if she could have done without her First Officer's mournful eyes.

She sat crossed legged on her chair in the briefing room as Tom made his official report, letting Tuvok do most of the talking and casting a surreptitious eye at her first officer. Chakotay's demeanour was a little sullen but it helped at least that Tom had the good grace to personally apologize to him. Kathryn rubbed her finger over her upper lip when he told them about Seska's _status _and Tuvok gave her a look that told her more than words could have.

Harry was loitering on the bridge with a broad smile when Tom finally exited the briefing room, and when Tuvok was dismissed, Kathryn leaned against the table as Chakotay hovered by the viewport staring out at the warping space beyond. She couldn't deny the sympathy she felt for him enduring a violation as grotesque as that which Seska had inflicted on him, but in that moment he seemed more concerned with her apparent lack of faith in him.

"It was never a matter of trust, Chakotay," she told him gently. He took a deep breath and chewed his lip.

"I suppose I'm hurt more than anything," he confessed and she felt a pang of shame. "I thought I was someone you relied on, but I guess we still have some things to work out." Kathryn considered this, wondering if she wasn't still harboring a little resentment over his previous emotionality. He _was_ technically still on report. She took a step closer and stood under the window beside him.

"It's not always easy to accept," she said after a moment, turning to face him. "But the safety of this crew always comes first."

"I know," he replied gently. "And...I want you to know, I'm trying not to hold on to this, I just...I want us to be honest with eachother." He looked her right in the eye and she flushed, contemplating the kind of honesty he might mean but then he smiled. "I don't know about you, but I could use a drink."

As captain and first officer, they weren't supposed to know about the still hiding in hyroponics, but what kind of leadership would they be showing if they didn't display a little wilful ignorance from time to time. She could certainly do with decompressing after all the intrigue and Chakotay most definitely needed a friend, so they retreated to his quarters to sample the latest batch of paint stripper from cargo bay two.

"It smells like ethyl acetate," Kathryn commented, sniffing the contents of her glass.

"If you say so professor," Chakotay quipped, clinking his glass against hers. "Cheers."

"Cheers," she replied with a smile before taking a cautious sip. They both pulled a face but Kathryn had to admit that once the burn subsided, it tasted vaguely like pears.

"Maybe it will taste better if we mix it," Chakotay suggested, clearly unimpressed.

"Not a fan?" Kathryn asked with a grin.

"Ask me again when I'm dealing with the hangover," he replied. Kathryn kicked her shoes off and tucked her legs up, snuggling back into the chair.

"That bad huh?" she prodded and he stared into his glass as he swirled the contents about.

"Pretty bad," he sighed. Kathryn nodded sympathetically as he emptied his glass. Yes, it was _pretty bad__. _If the situation were reversed, she'd probably want to get blind drunk too. She leaned forward and poured him a refill. Chakotay gave her a tired smile and raised his glass to her.

They weren't _drunk, _they didn't consume enough to really be considered drunk and anyway, they were in charge so they couldn't. But sometimes a dose of medicine helped you to sleep and it had been a stressful day to say the least. Besides, Chakotay was still her friend and she enjoyed his company, and if things had been different then maybe...

In truth there was no maybe, because if things had been different, she'd have married Mark already. She'd be hopping around the Alpha quadrant hobnobbing with diplomats and admirals while he walked the dog and kept her dinner warm. She wouldn't be sitting with Chakotay sipping warp plasma and thinking about Tom Paris. Maybe it was wishful thinking to hope that another drink could wash away the taste of her own hypocrisy. The evening drew on and Chakotay lifted the bottle to refill her glass.

"No, not for me," she said, covering her glass before setting it down on his coffee table. Chakotay nodded and did likewise.

"Yeah, you're probably right," he agreed. Chivalrous as ever, Chakotay escorted her back to her quarters.

"I want to get something to eat anyway," he insisted at her feeble protest. As they walked, Kathryn realized that she probably should have thought about that before having a second drink, although she was of course masterful at projecting an appearance of utter decorum. "Tuvok must be relieved this is all over," Chakotay said conversationally as they ambled out of the turbolift. "I mean, in his Vulcan way." His brows waggled. "All this melodrama and human emotionality." Kathryn grinned.

"I have to say I've had quite enough intrigue to last me for a while too," she told him as the approached her door.

"I can imagine," he replied as the doors hissed open. "Thanks for the company." Kathryn looked him in the eye and reached up to clasp his shoulder.

"Things will get better," she said, giving him a gentle squeeze. Chakotay smiled wanly, his gaze flitting up and down her face. Her lashes fluttered. "Goodnight Chakotay."

"Goodnight Kathryn," he said softly. She hesitated for just a moment before turning and stepping inside her quarters.

When she the doors closed, Kathryn ambled toward the table and leaned against it, bending her knee to pull off her boots before reaching up to unpin her hair.

"For a moment there I thought you were going to invite him in." Kathryn started a in surprise as a familiar voice drifted from the bedroom door. She snapped her head around to see Tom leaning in the doorframe with a smile on his face. "I almost messed my pants," he quipped. Kathryn was not exactly impressed.

"Oh, Tom," she gasped, exhaling a ragged sigh as she clutched her hand against her chest. It was probably the moonshine making her heart race.

"Sorry," he said, wincing toothily at her and taking a step closer. She pressed her lips together.

"How did you get in here?" she asked with a furrow in her brow. Tom shrugged and smiled.

"A little trick I picked up in jail," he said flippantly, almost proud of it. She stood up straight and put her hands on her hips.

"You can't just let yourself in here whenever you like," she chided and he seemed to deflate a little.

"Sorry," he uttered, lashes fluttering. "I just figured it was better than having me wait in the hall."

"And what if I had asked him to come in?" she queried, admiring his frown.

"Does he come around often?" he scowled. Was that jealousy? She _wasn't _drunk but he was so cute.

"Totally unrepentant," she tutted, deciding that she might just torture him a little bit longer.

"I thought you might be happy to see me," Tom replied grumpily. Kathryn rubbed the side of her nose and pressed her lips together.

"I thought you were on the holodeck," she said. Tom took a step closer and looked at her askance.

"I got a big crack on the head," he replied in a sulky tone, apparently unhappy at her less than enthusiastic welcome. "I'm kind of tired."

"So you thought you'd sleep here?" she chuffed in reply, turning to toss a hair pin in her hand onto the dining table. "You're very presumptuous, Lieutenant Paris." Tom sucked his lips into his mouth and hummed.

"Should I go?" he asked cautiously, gesturing at the door with his thumb.

"Have I dismissed you?" she crowed imperiously, unable to repress her smirk. Tom narrowed his eyes at her as she took a step closer.

"No, ma'am," he replied.

She wasn't entirely sure if he was getting his revenge on her, or if it was because he was really turned on but either way, she couldn't fault the outcome.

Tom had her up against the bulkhead between the bedroom and the living space, and from this angle she could see the twin moons of his backside bouncing in the bathroom mirror. She clung to him like a monkey to a tree, teeth fixed into his shoulder as she watched him fuck her into the wall. It was such a turn on, she felt like she would have liquefied into a puddle on the floor if he hadn't held her up.

"Sshhh!" she chided with a wide eyed chuckle, holding her hand over his mouth as he came with an obscenely loud moan.

"Fuck me," he stammered as he struggled to catch his breath, stumbling towards the bed with her in his arms and collapsing backward onto it. "I can't feel my legs."

Kathryn didn't mean to smile but he had that effect on her. She stared with unseeing eyes at some unknown spot on the ceiling and supposed it was the adrenalin or the booze or something. Whatever it was, at this point she figured the best she could hope for was a little discretion while the pair of them got it was out of their systems. Tom leaned over her and peered down with a lazy eyed smile and she reached up to stroke his cheek. He turned and kissed her palm.

"You taste like moonshine," he commented.

"Moonshine, what's that?" she said innocently and his brow furrowed even as his expression was mild.

"How do you know about that?" he quizzed and she shrugged in phoney ignorance.

"I don't know what you're talking about," she said, rolling over and patting the pillow before snuggling down. Tom kissed her shoulder and draped his arm over her hip.

"You're not going to throw me out are you?" he asked and she closed her eyes.

"You'd just sneak back in," she answered.

"I would," he said idly, his voice very close to her ear.

"Like a stray," she mumbled, her eyes falling closed. "Shouldn't have fed you."

"I've been called worse things," he told her, pulling the bed sheet up over her shoulders.

"I'm sure," she said sleepily. Tom sighed and spooned up close, stroking along her forearm before reaching for her hand. She squeezed his fingers. "I'm glad you're back safe," she confessed quietly. Tom kissed her ear and pressed his nose into her hair.

"Me too," he replied.

_PS if you want to know about Tom's graduation, you'll have to leave a comment :P_


	6. Chapter 6

Tom was sitting with his legs crossed, wedged between her armchair and the coffee table, dunking half a grilled cheese sandwich into his tomato soup. She sat with her legs over the arm rest sat and watched his segment on A Briefing With Neelix. She never usually watched it, forcing that dubious pleasure on Tuvok who would then provide her with a ten second synopsis if he deemed it necessary which usually he did not.

"He doesn't sleep as much as the rest of us so I figured he has the time," Kathryn told Tom as she'd settled into her armchair. Tom had grinned down at her and handed her the padd, before turning to the replicator to fetch her coffee.

"Here," he'd said, picking up half of his sandwich in his napkin and twisting it around to pass it back to her.

"Hmm? Oh no thanks," she'd demurred, sipping her coffee and chuckling at his stupid face on the screen. Over the edge of the padd she'd been vaguely aware of Tom's disapproving expression but she ignored it. It's not like he'd be the first man to cluck like a hen at her for her eating habits.

"I never see you eat much," he said, stirring his spoon around his bowl and blowing over the hot soup.

"Hmmm I eat," she commented idly, taking another sip of coffee. Tom harrumpfed a little and she quirked a brow at him over the top of the padd. "Chakotay comes over on Sundays and we binge," she quipped with a grin. Tom's expression was unimpressed. "No, I mean, really binge," she explained. "Don't need to eat for the whole week." He didn't seem convinced, sipping soup from the end of his spoon and licking his lips but Kathryn had stopped paying attention anyway because on screen Tom gave a big smile, and it seemed the digital form was an infectious as the real thing. She scratched the top of his head and chuckled as Tom stroked her ankle and quietly finished his breakfast.

If she had harbored any delusions that having all this business with Jonas and Seska out of the way would mean a bit of piece of quiet, the universe soon disavowed her of them. It was a _bumpy _week to say they least and as soon as she had time, Kathryn went to see how their newest crewmember was settling in.

Ensign Wildman's baby was adorable, she was the first to admit. Kathryn held her and cooed as she gently ran a finger over the tiny ridges on her forehead.

"Oh you're so small!" she simpered maternally. Samantha Wildman gave her an exhausted smile.

"Her lungs aren't small," she complained happily and Kathryn grinned.

"Does she cry a lot?" she asked and Samantha dipped her head from side to side.

"It's not a question of how often, more how loud," she replied. "She must take after her father," she added with a waggle of her brows.

"Now, listen here little girl," Kathryn blubbed. "You be good to your mother, that's an order!"

"You hear that, Naomi," Samantha told the baby as Kathryn handed her back. "Captain's orders." Kathryn grinned and Ensign Wildman grinned and it was silly really, but she was a little bit silly on the inside and it seemed to make Samantha happy. Kathryn couldn't help herself – that afternoon she knitted baby booties like a beast.

"Knitting?" Chakotay asked in disbelief, appearing at her quarters with a bottle of something hidden in a sweater. Kathryn didn't tell him it was totally obvious what he was carrying because she didn't want to discourage him.

"What?" she queried, putting the needles down and rising to her feet as he entered.

"It just...it just seems...I don't know," he replied, picking up a tiny sock-like scrap of wool from the coffee table.

"Excessively girly?" she said taking the bottle from him and turning to dig out some glasses from a nook.

"Not exactly the word I choose but I guess," he said as she poured.

"I can be girly," she said and he chuckled.

"Well I had no doubt about that," he quipped and she pretended not to notice the suggestive flick of his eyes up and down her body.

"Cheers," Kathryn said, clinking her glass on his.

"It's because you don't cook," he told her a little while later as he laid the silverware out on her dining table.

"Ah no I don't cook, but I can _replicate _like nobody else," she answered and he laughed.

As was their long standing custom, Kathryn often spent an afternoon on the holodeck with Tuvok letting him knock her on her ass in a cave underneath Vulcana Regar. It was a recreation of a famous Suus Maana school, complete with lirpas and ahn woon and other Vulcan weapons, although today they were just using their hands. Kathryn threw her arms around his midsection and squirmed as she tried ineffectually to pull him to the ground and she just knew in her heart that he found it amusing, even if his face appeared as grimly impassive as ever. She was never going to win against him, especially not with the gravity settings turned to Vulcan standard but it was good for her core strength and it didn't hurt her break when she played pool either. Heels and hair could only give the appearance of being bigger than she really was, but they wouldn't do much if she got jumped by an alien male with twice her body mass. Or a human male, for that matter but that was another story.

She patted her face with a towel and sipped water as they emerged, the regular gravity a blessing on her aching limbs.

"Your balance appeared off," Tuvok assured her, holding her water as she fiddled with her hair. "But overall your technique has been improving."

"But not my neck pinch?" Kathryn teased, quickly pulling it into a sloppy braid as they made their way along the corridor.

"As I have mentioned before," Tuvok began and she rolled her eyes. "There are no incidents yet reported of a human becoming proficient in the Vulcan neck pinch."

"Yes, you've mentioned," she said with a smile.

They made their way to her quarters to sip plomeek soup and Vulcan tea, because it always seemed like the thing to do after a Vulcan workout. Besides, there were lots of positives to adopting a few Vulcan habits into one's routine and the incense smelled nice. And besides, Logic was handy sometimes because if you were smart enough you could bend it any which way you wanted and you didn't have to feel any guilt or shame about doing things that your emotional self might want to torture you with. She was human, so it wouldn't have been healthy to go all out like a Vulcan would, but there were certainly situations where a little emotional regulation was helpful.

It was certainly helpful when the bridge got smashed to pieces, or you heard that the first baby born on Voyager hadn't made it, or that someone you cared about had been sucked through a hull breach into the nightmarish void of space. It made her head hurt to think about it and she was grateful to spend a few days at high warp in a sparsely populated region of space, just _functioning _without any drama.

She found herself now slouching in her chair on the bridge while Chakotay tortured Tuvok.

"Alright Mr. Tuvok," Chakotay was saying, leaning back and stretching his arm over the back of his chair. The turbolift doors opened and Tom and Harry entered, returning from the mess hall. "I used to be a structuralist, but now I'm not Saussure of myself."

Kathryn looked him in the eye, nodding and aahing along with him at quite how bad the joke was.

"Simplistic word play," Tuvok complained from behind them. "Puerile at best." That alone was enough to make Kathryn smile.

"Anthropology jokes?" Harry queried as he moved to his station, catching Kathryn's eye and she nodded. He certainly seemed to be the same old Harry, even if technically he wasn't. Tom glanced at her as he trotted down the steps toward his station, glancing out of the corner of his eye towards the first officer but she didn't really pay him any mind.

"Ok ok," Chakotay said, shaking his head. "You're right. I mean, I used to have a lot of anthropology jokes but I realized they didn't make sense in most cultural contexts."

"Oh very good," Kathryn crooned. "Or very bad, I'm not sure."

"Better than your previous attempts, Commander," Tuvok agreed.

"You know, though Captain, " Chakotay said to her leaning close. "They say a woman should marry an archaeologist."

"And why is that?" she asked, leaning in a little way and pretending not to notice Tom swivelling around on his chair.

"Well the older you get, the more interested he'll be," Chakotay explained. Kathryn's eyes went wide.

"I think...I'm insulted," she said and Chakotay chuckled.

"Flattered, surely?" he replied.

"I have one," Harry volunteered.

"Please go on, Mr. Kim," Kathryn said. Chakotay's expression was curious as they turned to look back at Harry's station.

"Why do archaeologists drink so much?" Harry asked, his lip twitching nervously. Kathryn smiled and glanced over at Chakotay as she waited for the punchline. "Because their lives are in ruins."

She grinned. Chakotay let out an oof and clutched his stomach.

"It hurts because it's true," he rasped with a wince and she really laughed.

For someone who frequently accused her of neglecting her health, the doctor didn't seem to happy to see her in sickbay. Kathryn wasn't entirely sure that it wasn't because she and Harry were getting mud on the biobeds. The opportunity to get some sunshine had presented itself, and Kathryn had taken it, accompanying Harry and Tuvok and some of the engineers on a simple little expedition planetside.

"I fail to understand how someone as rational as yourself continues to perpetuate the practice," the doctor tutted at her, wafting a scanner in the air above her ankle. Kathryn was unimpressed. "There are numerous studies highlighting the health risks. How Starfleet hasn't banned them I'll never know."

She glanced over at Harry sitting soaking wet on a biobed, while Tom waved a dermal regenerator over his head. He grinned at her then hissed as Tom prodded the side of his skull.

"Ouch, Tom!" he cried. "Go easy, will you?" The doctor's expression grew severe.

"Mr. Paris," he groused, stomping across the floor. "Have I not previously mentioned, that a delicate touch is required."

"I am being delicate," Tom protested.

"For a Klingon," Harry muttered under his breath.

"Sorry," Tom complained, as the Doctor snatched the dermal regenerator out of his hand and thrust a scanner into it instead.

"Attend to the captain," he barked. Tom quirked a brow at her and sloped closer.

"Yes, doctor," he added with a sly smile. "So, what exactly happened to you guys anyway?" he asked. Harry looked sheepish, and Kathryn was sure her own expression wasn't much better.

"We...slipped," Harry uttered.

"You slipped?" Tom asked sceptically.

"Yes, Tom, we slipped," Harry grunted in reply.

"We were crossing a gap in the rocks maybe _this big,_" she confessed, gesturing with her hands.

"And the captain got stuck," Harry interjected, puffing his chest out. "I was trying to rescue her."

"How very noble of you, Harry," Tom observed, glancing at Kathryn out of the corner of his eye.

"_You _got stuck," Kathryn countered. Harry's mouth fell open. "And fell in the water."

"You pulled me in," he argued as she smirked.

"There Mr. Kim," the doctor interrupted, turning off the regenerator and standing back. "You are free to go." Harry slipped off the bed and stood up, ambling toward the captain.

"I hope your ankle is alright, Captain," he said gently and she smiled.

"Sprained plantar fascia," the doctor corrected. "Aggravated no doubt by your _continued insistence_ on wearing those barbaric heels."

"Thanks Harry," Kathryn said, ignoring the doctor's complaints. Harry gave her a little bow and made his way to the door.

"Oh hey Kes," he said as they met in the doorway.

"Hey, Harry," she chirped before he disappeared into the hall. "Doctor I have those samples for you," she said as she approached. "Hey Captain, Tom," she added, peering over at them curiously. "Everything alright?"

"It's fine, Kes," Kathryn assured her.

"Kes, excellent," the doctor grunted, thrusting the regenerator back into Tom's hands and striding to his office. She gave them a feeble smile and followed him inside. Through the glass, Kathryn observed as he began to rifle through the containers while Kes mouth moved up and down.

"So," Tom drawled in a lazy tone, holding the regenerator like a gun and pointing it at the sole of her foot. "Come here often?" Kathryn furrowed her brow but at his cheeky smile, she grinned. "I'll take that," Tom said with satisfaction.

"Take what?" she queried.

"A smile," he whispered conspiratorially, leaning imperceptibly closer. "I've hardly seen you lately," he added sotto voce. Her lashes fluttered.

"You see me every day," she reminded him quietly.

"Yeah but it's not the same," Tom replied and she pursed her lips.

"No, I suppose not," she mused. Poor Tom, was he feeling neglected? From the look he gave her, apparently so. Kathryn observed the doctor and Kes through the glass as he continued. "I was starting to think maybe you changed your mind about me," Tom said very quietly.

"I've been busy," she said, observing how he wouldn't meet her eye.

"Hmm," Tom mused, turning to her and observing her profile intently. "Being the captain and all," he supplied and she nodded.

"What can you do?" she said softly. His lashes fluttered and he chewed his lip.

"So you didn't?" he asked.

"Didn't what?" Kathryn countered, flushing a little bit as he met her eye. His adam's apple bobbed in his throat.

"Change your mind," he said, turning off the regenerator. Kathryn chewed her lip for a minute as she considered her reply. At her hesitation, Tom's expression grew a little more serious. "I guess I just worried," he said, turning away to place the regenerator back in it's case."That since our little project passed, maybe so had your interest."

Kathryn blinked and took a moment to register what he'd said. She took a long deep breath in and then let it out slowly.

"Ouch," she uttered, lashes fluttering.

"Well, captain," the doctor exclaimed, striding back into the room. Kathryn hadn't previously ever thought she'd appreciate being verbally reprimanded by the doctor, but in that moment it was precisely what she wanted. When he finally released her, she flouted his orders and retreated to her ready room, hiding behind her console to stew over some reports or requests or whatever she could get her hands on to do. When there was nothing more to do, she swung her chair from side to side, drumming her fingernails against the desk and staring through narrowed eyes at the picture of Mark on her desk.

"Oh, you're no help," she cursed, turning the picture to face the other way. "Computer locate Lieutenant Paris."

"Lieutenant Paris is on holodeck one," the computer replied. She took a deep breath and leaned back in her chair.

"Computer, who else is on holodeck one?" she added.

"Lieutenant Paris is on holodeck one," it informed her.

Right.

Well.

She rose from her chair and stalked toward the turbolift.

He was playing pool against the computer when she sauntered in, leaning over the table cue in hand as he prepared to take his shot. He peered up for just a moment before he took it, his holographic opponent cackling maliciously as it went a little wide and the eight ball went down a side pocket.

"You distracted me," Tom complained. Kathryn crossed her arms over her chest.

"Maybe you're just not very good at pool," she retorted, quirking a brow. Tom scraped his teeth over his lower lip and put his cue down on the table.

"Hey, double or quits we said," the hologram reminded him, stalking closer with his hand extended like he would fight Tom if he didn't pay up.

"Computer freeze program," Tom said in an irritated voice. Kathryn leaned her hip against the pool table and stared at him. "You're mad," he observed. She huffed.

"I don't appreciate you bringing up something like that in sickbay of all places," she growled. Tom smiled or winced, she couldn't tell which.

"So when should I bring it up?" he asked with no small measure of irritation. "Since you hardly talk to me."

"I don't not talk to you," she complained, pinching the bridge of her nose. "I'm just busy."

"Not too busy for everybody else," Tom muttered and she frowned.

"You may have noticed, I have a ship to run," she told him irritably. His lashes fluttered and he gave her a kicked dog kind of look and she sighed. Kathryn cleared her throat and turned to lean back fully against the table, staring unseeing at the saloon doors. "I can't have this," she muttered. Tom scowled.

"Can't have what? Me wanting five seconds of your time for you to say hello?" She narrowed her eyes at him.

"You can talk to me any time you want," she told him.

"And when should I do that exactly? At the morning briefing?" he huffed. She narrowed her eyes at him a little and Tom returned the gesture."Oh, so it's only when you want?" Tom accused. "I see."

"I knew this was a mistake," she groaned, shaking her head.

"Like I didn't know _that _was coming," he uttered bitterly.

"Tom," she sighed, turning to face him. "What do you want me to say?"

"You could say you missed me," he suggested gently. "You could say you want to see me." Her lashes fluttered.

"I missed you," she supplied very quietly, squeezing his bicep and looking him in the eye. "I want to see you." He seemed to melt a little, leaning closer to place a kiss on her lips. She sighed and kissed him back but when his arms went around her, she pulled back."Not on the holodeck, huh?"

Her quarters still smelled like Vulcan incense when they stepped inside, and when the doors closed Tom massaged her shoulders through her jacket.

"Ah that's nice," she half grunted, arching her back as he went lower. He huffed an amused breath in her ear.

"I'm very good at back rubs," he informed her playfully.

"Are you trying to impress me?" she asked and he chuckled.

"I kind of have to since you're always trying to ditch me," he said, peeling her jacket down her shoulders.

"Oh Tom," she sighed, turning to stroke his cheek. He turned his face and kissed her palm.

She took his hand and lead him into the bedroom, and they sat side by side on the bed undressing each other. It was all a little bit more cautious and gentle than the last time, but she couldn't say it wasn't very charming. She turned her back to him while he undid her bra, his hands slipping around to cup her breasts as it fell away from her chest and when she leaned back against him, he kissed the side of her neck.

"I hate not knowing when I'm going to be with you again," he told her.

"Maybe that's what makes it so good?" she suggested, twisting her head around to nuzzle his face before she kissed him.

He took his time and kissed her all over, and then rubbed her all over, and if he was trying to impress her it was working. His palms stroked up the inside of her thighs and the tip of his tongue on her clit made her spark like a high voltage coil.

"Oh I like it when you do that," she gasped, scraping her nails across the back of his head as he licked up the length of her slit and swirled his tongue around her clit again and again. "Oh there's a good boy," she hissed, beyond caring about what came out of her mouth. It couldn't be worse than what he said to her.

He could have fucked her there and then and she would have been happy enough, but he just brought her off with his tongue, pressed his fingers inside of her, and licked her pussy some more until she came again. She guessed he really was trying to impress her.

"I love it when you're like this," he told her, dragging her limp form down the bed and turning her over. She was breathing heavily, letting out another feeble whimper as his fingertip danced over her clit.

"I can't," she whined, hiding her face in the pillow and trembling as she felt the broad head of his erection pressing against her slit

"Yes you can, baby," he promised, leaning down across her back and kissing behind her ear. He circled his finger faster over her clit and she sobbed in pleasure. "Oh shit" he rasped as his cock pressed into her. "Oh that pussy." Kathryn moaned incoherently, her hair obscuring her vision as she twisted her head trying to catch a breath. She was so ready for him, her pussy clenching hungrily around his cock like it was angry that it had been made to wait. Tom rocked his hips and the vague wet slick of his cock sliding in and out of her pussy made her head spin. In her current state, there wasn't all that much she could do except moan and squeeze his hand where it lay pressed against her hip. Tom didn't seem to be rushing himself, pressing his lips to her ear and sliding his hand up to cup her breast.

"Do you know how hard you make me?" he whispered.

"So hard," she gasped, screwing her face up and flushing hotly.

"Tell me how much you love my cock," he urged. Kathryn smiled in spite of herself. That was her foul mouthed Tom.

"Yes, I love it," she babbled, moaning in delight at the long, deep stretch of him inside her.

"You want it," he grunted, his hips moving faster now.

"Yeah, I want it," she whined.

"Fuck," he cursed, pushing up on his hands and rocking his hips in earnest. There wasn't much she could do except moan in response, but it wasn't untrue. She did love it and she did want it even if she wasn't entirely happy about that fact. "Do you know how hard you make me come?" he asked her and she sobbed, pleasure coiling so tight in her belly that she went stiff on the bed until it snapped through her limbs like a snake bite. She moaned.

Tom kissed her shoulder and pushed up, turning her over and stroking one hand firmly over her breasts. She panted hard, peering up at him through her lashes to watch as he took himself in hand, stroking up down with short, hard tugs on his cock.

"I want to see you covered in my come," he sputtered and Kathryn was too fucked out to really know how to respond.

"Yeah," she answered, reaching to hold his head in her hands as he leaned closer and came in a long hot splash across her chest. Tom stared at her chest and gasped for breath.

"Fuck, that's hot," he muttered, smearing the sticky white mess across her breasts and squeezing her nipple between his finger and his thumb. "Give me five minutes," he said with a lazy grin, leaning down to kiss her on the mouth.

"Come here," she urged, opening her arms and drawing him close until they lay side by side with their heads on the pillows. She supposed they dozed for a few minutes, but when she opened her eyes he was peering at her through his lashes. She kissed up one side of his nose and down the other before pressing her lips on the very tip. "Better now?" she asked softly and he blinked languidly in response. "Poor Tom," she murmured, kissing his brow. "I'm sorry if I've neglected you."

"Come on a date with me," he asked quietly, squeezing his arms around her. Kathryn blinked and stared over his cheek bone at a rivet in the wall. "Hmm," he chirped. "Please?"

"Oh," she sighed and he gulped. "Oh Tom."

"That a no, then?" he asked, peering somewhere over the top of her head. She chewed her lip for a minute and considered it.

"I don't know if that's a good idea," she breathed.

"Why not?" he pressed and she dropped her gaze to his collarbone so she didn't have to look at his eyes. "It doesn't have to be anything fancy," he told her. "We could just play pool or something, keep it low key." Kathryn held her breath and rolled onto her back.

"I don't know," she replied, even though she knew it was a crappy answer. Tom also rolled onto his back and she didn't have to look at him to know he was less than happy with her response.

"It's complicated," he said in a vaguely mocking tone. She supposed she deserved that. Slowly she sat up and stared at her toes, wiggling them momentarily because she wasn't totally sure what to say.

"It is though, isn't it?" she said eventually, turning to glance down at him. Tom didn't look at her but she could tell from the set of his jaw that he wasn't impressed.

"You don't want anyone to know," he complained. "You're embarrassed." Kathryn took a deep breath and rose from the bed, padding across to the wardrobe to retrieve her robe. Tom's eyes flicked over at her accusingly as she tied the front and pushed her hair back from her face.

"Well no, we probably shouldn't be doing this," she said, moving an ornament around on her dresser. "But I don't see how it's anybody else's business anyway." Tom sat up and dropped one leg over the side of the bed.

"Are you ashamed of me?" Tom asked.

"I'm not ashamed of _you_," she assured him.

"But you're ashamed that you sleep with me," he supplied. Her lashes fluttered. Tom stared at the carpet for a minute before he turned to pull on his underpants.

"I didn't realize you thought about this so much," she said after a minute but he didn't reply. Tom bent down to pull on his underpants and didn't say anything. "Tom."

"What do you care what I think so long as I make you come, right?" he uttered bitterly. Her eyes were wide like saucers.

"Wow, ok," she gasped and he glared at her accusingly.

"You know, I don't know how you can make me feel so good and so bad at the same time," he said snippily. Kathryn blinked.

"Don't hold back," she urged sarcastically, leaning her elbow on the cabinet and rubbing her finger over her top lip. She said it, but she didn't really mean it.

"Do you like me at all?" he asked coolly, pulling his pants up his legs and standing up to button the waist. "Or is it literally just about the sex?"

"What exactly do you think is going on here Tom?" Kathryn asked in an exasperated tone. His expression wasn't exactly what she'd call kind.

"I thought that was obvious but I guess you have other ideas," he said.

"Tom, you're very sweet – _usually_ – but what you have in mind, isn't something I can do," she uttered, avoiding his eyes.

"What? You can fuck me but you can't play a game of pool with me sometimes? You can't have dinner with me?" he snapped. "But you can have dinner with Chakotay."

"What?" she chuffed, shaking her head in disbelief. Tom's lip quivered and he stared at her feet.

"Oh the two of you with your little dinners and your little jokes, how nice," he spat, the words tumbling out of him a torrent of emotion. "You know we can hear you laughing through your ready room door," he added maliciously. Kathryn narrowed her eyes.

"Jealousy isn't as cute as you think it it," she uttered shaking her head.

"For god's sake, Kathryn," Tom snapped, pulling his tank top over his head and then fighting with his t-shirt.

"Are you seriously suggesting that I'm... what? Juggling the both of you? While running this ship?" she argued back, raising her voice a little now as she began to get truly pissed. "Don't be such a child."

"Nice," he countered bitterly, his words muffled as he pulled his t-shirt over his head. "At least we're getting somewhere now."

"What?" Kathryn shook her head.

"You're embarrassed because you worry what people will say about you," Tom told her bluntly. "For sleeping with me. Because you think I'm too young." It hurt because it was true. Kathryn stared at the floor and shook her head.

"I knew this was a mistake," she uttered more to herself than to him. "I knew it." Tom let out a bitter laugh.

"I might be a _mistake,_" he hissed. "But your a damned hypocrite."

"Yes, you're probably right," she said, folding her arms over her chest and pacing up and down in front of the wardrobe.

"You think I don't know how you hide your picture of your fiance between the books on the shelf next door." She looked him in the eye, something cold taking up residence in her chest. She could be a hothead, but when she was really mad, she was cold as the northern wastes of Andoria.

"I think you've said enough now," she uttered coolly. Tom shook his head and looked her up and down for a long minute.

"Well I guess I should have seen this coming," he said, his tone bitter as he stamped his feet into his boots. "My mother was right about you." In that instant, any kind sentiment that she still harbored toward him evaporated.

Truthfully, there wasn't much more he could add to that statement that would make her more angry and it was probably better he left before he did.

"Get out," she uttered, her tone colder than the Andorian Winter. Tom rose to his feet and looked at her, blanching a little as her met her hard, flinty stare. "And don't come back."

_Come now my doves, you didn't think it would be that easy did you? It does say angst on the synopsis right?_


	7. Chapter 7

The first few days were comparatively easy. Her anger sat like a hard shard of ice in her chest, cloudy and cold and immovable. Anger wasn't exactly a healthy emotion but it was moderately productive, because you could at least harness it to get things done. Kathryn got a lot of things done.

No, the first few days were comparatively easy because she was angry and Tom was angry too.

They stood side by side in the turbolift like guardians at the gates of Stovokor, spines stiff and jaws clenched as the air crackled with resentment between them. In her mind she recited some less than flattering names for him, silently seething as the spitefulness of his words rattled around in the back of her head.

In the briefing room she was curt and he was curt in reply, but not, she thought, so much that anyone could tell. He glowered at her as he shuffled towards the door and she pretended not to notice, folding her arms and turning her back to him as though the padd in her hand was just so incredibly fascinating.

She was as logical as a vulcan, and whenever she saw him, she showed nothing but cool indifference. She gave the orders and he carried them out and if anyone noticed that she was a little less amenable they didn't comment. It's not like she stalked the halls of the ship with a scowl on her face, no she appeared far milder than that. Aloof and efficient, like a ship's captain should be.

And when she couldn't be busy she hid away on the holodeck, bouncing around on the dusty ground as Tuvok circled her with raptorial intent. Her heart pounded as he spun the ahn woon in his hand and observed her with vulturine eyes, the weapon humming in the holographic Vulcan heat. There was the briefest flutter of sound and before her eye registered the motion, she ducked and rolled. The grubby white fabric of the ahn woon unfurled, the stone at the end flailing impotently through the air where her head should have been.

"Rom," Tuvok uttered in old Golic, the glint in his eye betraying the merest hint of pride. Kathryn sprung up to her feet, Tuvok struck again and she dodged it once more. "Dan rom," he said approvingly and maybe she smirked just a little bit.

Kathryn was breathing hard, moving backward in a circle as Tuvok moved closer. She held his eyes, ruthlessly predatory as he stalked toward her and tensed. Sensing the strike, she twitched but this time Tuvok feinted to one side and Kathryn fell for it. She bent her knees to jump when he suddenly turned, flinging the ahn woon low across the floor. The rocks inside snapped together as it wrapped around her ankles and she staggered to the floor. She let out an oof as she hit the ground hard, a cloud of dust billowing up around her as Tuvok loomed in from above. Kathryn panted hard, catching her breath as she pushed up on her hands and gave him an irritated look.

"Hubris," he told her blandly, extending his hand. Kathryn narrowed her eyes at him and let him pull her up.

She got her revenge on the boxing mitts, kicking him hard enough to make him teeter. Tuvok raised a brow and criticized her posture as she flung herself at him, fists and feet slamming into the training mitts until eventually she slipped and fell on her ass.

"Pekh-rahz-kem!" she cursed. Tuvok removed the mitts and set them on the side, turning toward her with a raised brow.

"You are excessively emotional today," he commented. She huffed and wiped her face with a towel.

"Am I?" she said idly, flipping the stopper on her bottle of water.

"As you are well aware, suus mahna operates on the basis of logic _not _emotion," Tuvok said, ambling along the outside of the circle and looking her up and down.

"I guess I should have meditated," she quipped. Tuvok narrowed his eyes at her and plucked a lirpa off the wall, tossing it at her like it was a table knife rather than a deadly blade. Kathryn dropped her water bottle and caught it in both hands, her breath falling out of her chest with a little grunt as she wavered under the weight of it. She moved her hands along the length of the lirpa trying to get a better grip, her palms sweaty against the cool metal.

Tuvok swung his blade around in front of his chest, behind his back and over his head. Kathryn rolled her eyes at such egregious exhibitionism, even as her arms strained to hold the blade in the heavy gravity. She raised it in front of her in a defensive stance and Tuvok's lip twitched.

"You should have," he agreed.

She had to concede that he was probably right.

She wasn't limping. She _wasn't. _

The holodeck doors closed behind her and she leaned back against the cool metal, closing her eyes for a moment. Tuvok observed her cautiously.

"Are you injured?" he inquired and she shook her head, pulling her hair out of the wreck that had been her bun.

"No, just..." she rasped, lashes fluttering as she looked at him. Tuvok looked her up and down.

"Human," he finished and she sighed.

He was escorting her to the turbolift as Tom and Harry exited in the hallway ahead of them. Kathryn took a moment to make absolutely, completely certain the stopper on her water bottle was fixed in place because it was very, very important that the stopper on the water bottle was absolutely and completely fixed in place. It was critical.

She cursed silently that they _would _have to see eachother when she'd just gone ten rounds with a vulcan and lost. To her credit, she always lost but that didn't make her feel any better as she stood there flushed red and covered in sweat.

"Captain," Harry said brightly.

"Ensign," she said, quelling the awkward churn of her gut as Tom flicked his eyes up and down her dishevelled form. She gave Harry the vaguest, wincing smile.

She didn't speak to Tom and Tom didn't speak to her, so she just shuffled toward the turbolift doors feeling obscenely short in her flat training shoes. She slipped in ahead of Tuvok, grateful for the width of his shoulders as he entered because it made it easier to hide.

She berated herself later for her childishness. She berated herself for a lot of things. Kathryn Janeway was ever so good at berating herself and as the days went by the strain of being so angry began to take its toll. The cool efficiency gave way to frayed exhaustion, lingering evenings in her quarters coiled under a blanket listening to music and waking up in the early hours with her clothes still on and a stack of padds knocked over across the floor.

_You are a grown woman and the captain of this vessel Kathryn, _she chided herself. No this just wouldn't do.

She took a shower and made herself eat a lot of replicated broccoli and promised that she'd start sleeping in the bed.

She let Kes take her by the hand and lead her around her little orchid garden, and soaked up her easy companionship as they chose an orchid for her ready room. Samantha Wildman's smile was wide as she slipped the little baby booties onto Naomi's tiny feet. Kathryn saw her carrying the baby around the ship with them on and her heart warmed up just a little bit. Samantha lifted the baby's hand and waved it at her and for the first time all week Kathryn _really _smiled.

Slowly, gradually, that hard shard of ice began to melt, the slow drip of cold emotions seeping through her and making her utterly miserable. The slow seep became a steady stream and then one night she lay under the bed sheet and stared at her pictures of Mark and realized that she missed him terribly and cried herself to sleep wondering if he missed her too.

And when she saw Tom she couldn't help but notice that he started to look miserable too, his young eyes seeming very old and ringed with dark circles. She stared at his back as they sat on the bridge, and his spine no longer seemed so straight and his demeanor was sad and flat. She supposed he wasn't so angry at her any more and maybe she wasn't all that angry either, but she was prideful and stubborn and she still didn't want to talk to him.

She was riding in the turbolift when the universe contrived to make her suffer just a little more, the doors opening to reveal him standing outside. A horrible hot feeling rippled through her chest as she looked him right in the eye. She averted her gaze as he stepped inside, standing like a statue with her hands clasped behind her back while she pretending not to notice him staring right at her. The lift hummed and whirred to life once more, the lights flickering on and off as it moved. Tom let out a tired sigh.

"I hate this," he said but she didn't reply, just took slow, silent breaths in and out of her nose. Tom turned and stepped a little bit closer. "Kathryn," he uttered and she dropped her head and stared at the floor.

"Please don't," she said, her voice almost a whisper and then the turbolift was slowing and the doors opened with a hiss. She pushed her shoulders back and strode out onto the bridge with her head held eye because no matter what else she might be, she was the captain.

She was sitting behind her desk tapping away at her console when the door to her ready room chimed.

"Come in," she uttered in a flat tone, casting her eyes over the top of the screen as the doors slid open and Tom walked in. She blinked.

"Here are the cartographic projections Tuvok requested," he said, stepping forward and holding out a padd toward her. "He said I should give them to you." She stared it and then lifted her hand to accept it from him.

"Thank you," she said, taking it and setting it down on a pile of other padds she was working her way through. Tom lingered for a moment and and she peered up at him. "Is there something else Lieutenant?" she asked, looking back at the data on the screen and avoiding his eye. Tom hovered for a moment and she narrowed her eyes as he stepped closer.

"Would it help if I said that I'm sorry," he murmured and she gulped.

"No," she told him dryly, briefly meeting his eyes before looking away. He flexed his fingers and she could almost hear him thinking.

"Dismissed," she uttered coolly, tap tap tapping at a key on the console but Tom didn't move.

"Please talk to me," he said softly. Kathryn sat upright in her chair and fixed him with a hard look because even if she wanted to slap him hard across the face and then kiss it better, this was neither the time nor the place..

"_Dismissed_," she said again. He looked at her with sad eyes for a long moment before he turned and shuffled out of the door.

She sat like a stone after he left, staring at the closed doors and eventually letting out a slow sigh. The truth was, that his words were stuck in her like a splinter and it hurt too much to try and pull it out. And now it had been sitting there, festering and the wound was puffy and sore and it was difficult to get the splinter out. She knew what he had been implying and she hated him for it, hated his stupid, gossiping mother. She might be a hypocrite but she wasn't _that _kind of hypocrite.

_Asshole._

She rose from her desk with a sigh and sloped toward the replicator, leaning against the bulkhead as it hummed and glowed. She got a cup of Vulcan tea because she was trying to be healthy and logical, sitting next to her new orchid as the steam wafted up past her nose.

She'd known she would have to put an end it to it eventually, but that had always been some intangible event in the future because the truth was, she hadn't quite had enough of him just yet. She thought about his hands sliding up her thighs and his mouth on her body, closing her eyes and flushing at the memory of all the gloriously sordid things they'd said and done to each other.

If she'd just shut the stupid door in his stupid face.

"For pity's sake Kathryn," she cursed, leaning forward and smacking her forehead with the butt of her hand. "Stupid, stupid, stupid."

It was very late as she made her way along the corridor, lingering outside the darkened mess hall for a minute before she finally went inside. Tom was sitting under the viewport with his feet on the coffee table, right where the computer had said he would be. When she walked in he sat up very straight.

"The kitchen's closed," he stammered, rising to his feet.

"I know," she said tiredly, sloping toward him.

"Oh," Tom offered by way of reply, his shoulders tense as she approached. Kathryn looked at him and let out a slow sigh before sinking down on a chair opposite.

Tom stared at her as he slowly sat back down, almost like he was waiting for her to give him an order. She observed how he squeezed the edge of the seat cushions in his fingers and she wasn't entirely sure how much sympathy she should give him. He should have thought of that before he tried to get the captain into bed, but then she supposed she should have thought more about it too. He rubbed the thumb of one hand against the palm of the other and opened his mouth like he was going to speak, so she decided to just come out with it before she lost her nerve or he said something charming that would make her change her mind.

"I'm sorry it ended up like this," she said. It wasn't exactly an apology but they had to start somewhere. Tom's jaw clenched like he was trying to stop something from showing on his face.

"I didn't mean those things I said," he told her, staring at her knees. She leaned back in the chair and exhaled thoughtfully.

"Yes you did," she countered, quelling the urge to screech at him accusingly.

"So I'm jealous," he confessed. "But who could blame me?" She furrowed her brow. "I just wanted a reaction, something, anything. I didn't mean for it to..." Tom rubbed his hand roughly over his face.

"You said some horrible things to me," she said, lashes fluttering as she tried to keep from sounding too petulant.

"I was trying to hurt you," he replied sheepishly. _ Well you succeeded,_ she wanted to say but she didn't think it would help to go around admitting things like that. "And I'm sorry," he added. She sighed.

"It's my fault," she said shaking her head. "I shouldn't have let this happen."

"Oh why do you always have to say that?" he said mournfully. "Like it's something you regret?"

"Because it's true," she told him in a tired tone. "I wish you could understand."

"I _do,_" he said with a scowl and when he spoke again it was very, very quietly. "I thought you liked it."

"I..." _I did, _she wanted to say but she knew it would only make things worse. "I don't regret it exactly," she managed eventually, rubbing her hands together idly and hanging her head. "I'm just sorry things got so..." _Unbearably shit, _she didn't say. "I see... why you feel... like I wasn't very fair to you." It took a minute for her to get it out, but she did it.

"I don't care about that," Tom rasped, looking her in the eye with a pitiful expression on his face. "I just..." he continued, slipping across the space between them to perch on the edge of the coffee table in front of her. "I _hate _this."

"I hate it too," she agreed sorrowfully. "But we couldn't go on like that forever, you know that." He closed his eyes and shook his head.

"I don't think I'm quite there yet," he uttered and she chewed her lip for a minute, gulping around the lump in her throat.

"I'm sorry," she said gently.

"Please," he breathed, reaching for her hand. "I'm sorry for what I said. I'm a stupid, jealous ass."

"Tom, please," Kathryn sighed, shaking her head and pulling her hand away. "Don't make this any harder than it already is."

He stared at her leg like it was the most fascinating thing in the quadrant and they sat in silence for a long moment.

"I thought you believed in me," he said very quietly.

"I _do_," she breathed, reaching forward and squeezing his forearm, unwilling to take his hand in case she couldn't bring herself to let it go. He looked at her with such dejection in his eyes and she thought of the cheeky, flirtatious Tom he'd been before. Yes, she was sorry she might not see that Tom again for a while, or that someone else would get to see him instead. "I have to go," she said, rising abruptly.

"Please don't," he implored, doing likewise and she had to take a step backward to stop from being almost in his arms. "Kathryn, please" he said as she took another step back and turned on her heel, fleeing out of the mess hall doors before she changed her mind.

It couldn't have taken all that long to get to her quarters but it felt like an age. She was going to curl up and hide under the bedsheets and not come out until morning. When she entered, she leaned against the desk and hung her head, closing her eyes and arching her back until her spine cracked.

This was why you didn't get involved with your subordinates she ruminated bitterly, sinking down on to her chair and rubbing her brow. At least it was over and done with now she thought, leaning back in the chair with an exasperated sigh. She lifted her knee and pulled off her boot, dropping it haphazardly to the floor.

Yes, she'd pulled the splinter out and now she just had to get on with it, she pondered miserably, pulling the other boot off and chucking down beside its partner. It was done and it felt shit but there was nothing she could do about it now.

She sat there for a moment and closed her eyes, taking a deep breath before her face screwed up and she let out a little whimper. She wasn't going to cry and if she was going to cry it was only because she was just so exhausted by everything. By command, by being stuck in the delta quadrant, by being so wretched and alone.

She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. What was it Tuvok made her do? Imagine herself in a stormy sea? Or was it a tranquil lake? She unzipped her jacket and rose to her feet, pulling it off and dropping it over the back of her chair. Oh what she wouldn't give for a tranquil lake right about now.

She paced towards the doorway to her bedroom and peered inside, wondering if maybe she ought to check the water stores and see if she couldn't get away with a bath. She reached up and slowly unpinned her hair, fluffing it out and pulling a lock of it over her nose. She pouted. That was probably something else she'd have to go without but oh, it would have been nice.

Kathryn sank slowly down onto the end of her bed and stared across the room with unseeing eyes, wondering masochistically what would have happened if she'd just let him talk her out of it. If she'd turned back around and told him she'd changed her mind. Maybe he'd be there with her now and she wouldn't be so miserably lonely. She screwed her eyes shut tight and inhaled a ragged breath. Oh, she wanted to go back and tell him that she'd changed her mind.

"Computer, locate Lieutenant Paris," she uttered, dragging out the self flagellation just a little longer. Oh but wasn't it a foolish thing to do, to pick at a scab so newly formed?

"Lieutenant Paris is on deck three," the computer replied.

Kathryn opened her eyes and sat up very still, clutching her hair pins so hard they dug into her palm. She turned to look at the door and hesitated for just a moment, before slowly rising to her feet. She swallowed and padded toward it, tossing the hair pins onto her desk with a clatter as she drew near. The door hissed open and she blinked, seeing nothing but the empty corridor outside. Deflated she leaned against the door frame and as she twisted around to slump back against it, a flicker of movement caught her eye.

Tom was pacing at the end of the hallway, chewing his thumb and when he caught sight of her he was wide eyed like a woodland creature. Kathryn blinked and stood up a little straighter.

He pushed his shoulders back and paced towards her, trying to project a phoney kind of bravado that was entirely transparent and utterly adorable.

"I don't want this," he sputtered. "I'm not agreeing to this." Kathryn screwed her face up and let out a pitiful sob.

"I changed my mind," she whimpered, stepping toward him and practically jumping into his open arms.

"Oh baby," he replied, squeezing her tight as her arms coiled around his neck and she pressed her lips to his.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," she told him mournfully, kissing him all over his face as he carried her through the open doors. "I didn't mean it." Tom squeezed her tight, kissing her back and stumbling into her quarters as she dragged her nails through his hair and squirmed unhelpfully in his embrace.

"Shit!" he gasped, colliding with the corner of the table and she found herself pitching backward.

"Whoa," she exclaimed, pulling him down with her.

"Ouch," he pouted feebly, batting his lashes at her as she caught herself with a hand against the table top.

"Whoops," she chirped giving him a little smile. Tom winced and bent his knee, shaking his leg and hissing. "Oh poor baby," she chuckled, cupping his cheek as he leaned his forehead against hers.

"It hurts," he told her sulkily. Kathryn bit her lip to keep from laughing at him but he noticed anyway, and narrowed his eyes at her.

"Oh, I'm sorry," she told him, a little smile spreading up her face.

"You should be," Tom groused. She leaned forward and pressed her mouth to his, slipping off the table and hustling him backward into the armchair.

"Let me kiss it better," she said, sinking down into his lap as his arms went around her.

"You know, I missed you," he said but she cut him off by kissing him, slipping her tongue into his mouth as her hand rubbed up and down the inside of his thigh. He hummed something incomprehensible, stroking his hand up her arm and squeezing her breast for a moment and when her hand slipped upward to flick idly at the button on his fly, he groaned."Oh, yes, I really missed you," Tom gasped as she slithered down between his thighs. "Oh Kathryn."

Yes he talked a lot but she supposed by now, that that was part of his charm.

"Oh yeah just like that," he babbled as she took him in her mouth, both hands clasping the back of her head as he let out a long groan. "Fuck!" he yelled, his fingers digging into her hair as she dragged her lips up the length of him and then took him deep once more until his cock bumped the back of her throat. "Oh shit, oh baby, oh god," he rambled. Kathryn hummed and scraped her nails down the insides of his thighs as Tom slumped back in the armchair and clutched at the armrests with a groan.

She liked it when he was a little bit gentle and she liked it when he was a little bit rough, and she really liked it when he was a little bit clumsy and desperate like he was right in that moment.

"Take this off!" he barked gruffly, fingers snaffling ineffectually at her shirt and tugging it vaguely upward. His cock slipped out of her mouth with a wet pop, a silver spider web clinging to her lip as she raised her arms to help him pull it over her head. Tom held her face in both hands, leaning close and looking her in the eye. "I'm going to fuck you into the deck plating," he growled and something deep inside her clenched hard.

"Oh I really hope so," she stuttered, flushing hotly as he took her by the shoulders and pushed her back against the carpet.

He kissed her hotly then before dragging his mouth down her body, cupping her breast roughly in his hand as his lips closed around her nipple and groaning loudly against her skin. Kathryn panted, shaking like a leaf in the wind as he moved south and pushed her thighs apart with greedy hands.

"Oh I love your pussy," he told her, pressing his tongue right up inside her body and making her gasp. "Oh baby, baby, baby," he babbled, swirling his tongue in a sloppy, wet circle around her clit while she writhed helplessly against the carpet.

"Oh yes, yes, yes," she hissed, arching her back and pressing her hips into his face. Tom sucked on the crease between her hip and inner thigh, his nostrils flaring and his breath coming in ragged pants as he loomed over her. His lip curled up as he dragged his erection up and down between her legs, nudging her clit and making her whine.

"Kathryn," he gasped when he finally slipped inside, kissing her on the mouth and letting out a long, lascivious moan. She loved it when he called her name in the heat of the moment, the way he squeezed her just a little bit too tight. She dragged her nails down his back and hid her face in his neck, her breath knocked out of her lungs in feeble little whimpers at the rough flex of his hips between her thighs.

"I know that I shouldn't," she told him as he pressed his face into her neck, cupping the back of his head beneath her palm. "But I love doing this with you."

"Yes baby," he groaned, leaning his forehead against hers. "I love it too."

Much much later, they lay on the carpet beside the dining table in a tangle of limbs, her head pillowed against his bicep as his fingers idled in her hair. She ached all over and her skin was sticky with sweat and sex and it was wonderful. Well, almost.

"Computer increase temperature to three hundred kelvin," she said with a shiver and Tom smiled.

"Toasty," he told her approvingly and Kathryn hummed drowsily. "Should go to bed really," Tom added and she nodded. "But I can't be bothered to move."

"Me neither," she agreed. Tom looked at her with gentle eyes.

"You know," Tom began, nudging the tip of her nose with his.

"Hmm," she murmured, stroking the side of his face.

"I'm crazy about you," he said, pressing a chaste kiss to her lips. Kathryn looked into his baby blues and sighed wistfully, thinking was how cute he was, and how warm he was, and how nice to was to have him back to cuddle up close like they were. She ran her finger over his lips and blinked at him languidly.

"Oh baby boy," she cooed with a pout, and he pouted too and kissed her on the mouth as they snuggled even closer, right there, stark naked in the middle of the floor.


	8. Chapter 8

_No plot. No smut. Just snuggling. LLAP!_

Tom _was_ very cute and he really liked kissing but Kathryn was a busy woman and she was trying, however unsuccessfully, to chase him out of her quarters.

"I have things to do," she said, squirming as his arms went around her waist and his lips pressed against her cheek. "And so do you."

"Yes, very important things," he agreed, insinuating his tongue between her lips and pressing her back against the mattress. She wriggled and twisted her face away, pushing against his shoulders to try and get him off . Tom was undeterred and so she bent her knees up and tried to kick him off instead but this just made him smile at her adorably. Tom let out an a little chuckling breath and clasped her forearms, grinning at her wickedly as they began to tussle until she managed to shove him off the edge of the bed. Tom collapsed heavily onto his ass and she grinned.

"Ha!" she sputtered with glee, watching as his expression morphed from surprised to wicked. He grabbed at her legs, so she flipped over onto her front and tried to slither off the other side of the bed. Tom sprung up and threw himself down on top of her, mock biting her ass and eliciting a shocked squeal from her before he proceeded to drag her down the mattress by her feet.

"Give it up," he mocked, trapping her beneath him before flipping her back over onto her back. "I've got you pinned." Kathryn narrowed her eyes at him and reached up to grab his shoulder with her finger, giving him a weak approximation of a Vulcan nerve pinch. He chuckled. "What is that supposed to be?"

"You know I could push you off if I really wanted to," she told him with a glare and his smile grew.

"Ah so you admit that you don't really want to," he said, leaning closer. He was very cute and maybe she really liked kissing too.

When she finally managed to get out of the bed, Tom leaned his head on his hand and watched as she hovered in from of her wardrobe and pulled out some underwear.

"You really should be going," she told him, hopping into her panties.

"Your boyfriend coming over?" Tom quipped in a tone just the wrong side of teasing. Kathryn narrowed her eyes at him and fastened the clasp on her bra.

"I wish you wouldn't call him that," she complained and Tom snorted. She watched him puff up the pillows and tuck them behind his back, apparently having no intention of going anywhere.

"The feeling is mutual," he sulked and she shook her head.

"He's my first officer, and he's my friend," she explained, pulling a tank top over her head. "So what, am I not allowed to talk to him?"

Tom slouched sullenly against the pillows with a sardonic expression on his face.

"He'd like to be more than your friend," he told her and she rolled her eyes. She turned her back to him, twisting her long hair into a bun and scratching around on her dresser for a pin. "But then, you knew that already."

Kathryn huffed and turned back to face him, crossing her arms over her chest.

"I wrestle on the holodeck with Tuvok," she informed him. "Sometimes we don't wear a lot of clothes. I suppose you don't like that either."

"I'm starting to think you enjoy this," he accused, frowning at her. Kathryn narrowed her eyes and observed him coolly.

"Why are you trying to start a fight?" she replied. Tom sighed.

"I'm not," he answered, turning his legs over the bed and facing her. "But how do you think it makes me feel? The two of you getting cosy over a bottle of wine. The lights down low."

"The lights aren't down low," she muttered. Tom wasn't impressed.

"You are deliberately misunderstanding me," he groused unhappily. She sighed and shuffled closer.

"Don't be so unfair," she implored, insinuating herself onto his lap and putting her arms around his neck. "You think I have a lot of friends on this ship?"

"Of course you do," he told her gently, snaking his arms around her waist and looking her in the eye. "People love you." Kathryn shook her head.

"I'm the captain, Tom," she replied sorrowfully. "It's not the same." He squeezed her and leaned his forehead close to hers.

"You've got me," he said softly. She reached up and stroked his cheek, mulling over his words.

"How are you so jealous?" she sighed. Tom closed his eyes and swayed under her touch. "I don't do this with him," she assured him gently, kissing him on the lips.

"I know," he insisted, rubbing his thumb on her hip. "I guess all this secrecy is making me insecure."

"It didn't seem to bother you before," she commented.

"That was different," Tom replied and Kathryn wasn't quite sure how to respond, so she leaned back a little in his arms and admired his stubbly chin thoughtfully.

"We can't keep arguing about this," she said ruefully. Tom looked her in the eye.

"I'm not going to make a scene, don't worry."

"I hope not," she said. Tom dropped his gaze and stared at her collarbone with a dejected sigh. "Oh Tom, I don't want you to be unhappy."

"Well you know," he said, squeezing his arms around her. Kathryn hummed, flicking a lock of hair away from his ear. "There is a very simple solution."

There were solutions, and there were solutions and Kathryn was relieved to see that when it came to certain _solutions, _Tom knew at least not to use a single malt in a whisky mac even if it was only synthehol. It was a little thing to get hung up about, but it was small heresies like that which could make or break a relationship. Kathryn hung her jacket over the back of a chair and ambled through a cloud of photonic smoke up to the bar as Tom pushed a lowball glass toward her. She took a cautious sip as he watched her reaction intently.

"Hey?" he uttered cheekily with an 'I told you so' look on his face.

"Very nice," she told him, setting the glass down and clasping the pool cue that she had propped between her legs. Tom grinned.

"Tom is my best bartender," Sandrine crooned, sidling up to Tom and cupping his face in her palm. "He knows how to make a good drink." Kathryn dusted the tip of her cue with chalk and observed as the hologram planted a loud, wet kiss on his cheek. Kathryn narrowed her eyes and puckered her lips to blow a little cloud of blue holographic dust from her cue.

"Does he know how to lose?" she uttered. His smile grew.

It wasn't so much that he was a bad opponent, more that she was a very, very good one. He was the one who wanted to play, she mused, slamming the eight ball into the far corner pocket, so she wasn't just going to _let _him win.

"Best of seven?" she suggested with a waggle of her brows.

"One day," Tom said, shaking his head. "One day I'll beat you and then you won't be so smug."

"You'll be old and gray," she mocked. Tom held her eye with a determined look on her face.

"You talk a good game, lady," he drawled mockingly. "But will you put your money where your mouth is?" She smiled and emptied her glass, the ice cubes rattling as she set it down on Sandrine's tray. "Another one?" Tom asked disbelieving.

"Since you want to throw away your replicator rations," she told him with a sly smile. Tom observed her curiously.

"Don't you have an early start?" Kathryn scoffed.

"Don't tell me you're one of these people who get drunk on synthehol?"

"Oh and I suppose you don't," he said, ambling closer.

"Please, you insult me, Mr. Paris," Kathryn answered. Tom's expression grew mischievous.

"Is that a challenge?" he asked.

"It absolutely is not," she informed him primly but he just grinned at her even harder. "Besides," she continued, leaning forward over the table and lining up to break. "That's what shore leave is for."

As the senior staff made their way into the briefing room, Kathryn leaned back in her chair and admired the bright green sphere beyond the viewport.

"K class, transjovian," Chakotay was saying. "Methane, nitrogen atmosphere. Average surface temperatures below freezing. It's mostly mining, with several facilities located beneath habitats here and here." He gestured at the console.

"Kind of like Titan," Harry observed.

"Kind of," Chakotay agreed.

"Delightful," Tom quipped, exchanging a look with Harry.

"It's just a pit stop folks," Chakotay informed them, visuals flickering on the console beside him as he spoke. "We'll take on water and supplies. B'Elanna, we've secured your monocrystal cortenium. How long do you think you're people will need?"

"I estimate seventy two hours," B'Elanna told him. Chakotay nodded at her.

"I'll leave it to you to put together a team and work out an equitable schedule."

"Aye sir," she answered. Chakotay continued.

"I've put together a preliminary roster for the next few days, if you'd care to take a look," he told them. Tom tapped his padd and began scanning over the information. "Any questions?"

Kathryn cast her gaze around the table, meeting Harry's eager eye.

"Mr. Kim?" she prodded.

"Shore leave?" Harry asked hopefully. Kathryn glanced to Chakotay and he smiled.

"If you don't mind the cold," he said.

"Third rotation?" Tom complained, looking up from his padd and frowning at the first officer. "I got third rotation."

"Is that a problem, Mr. Paris?" Chakotay asked, his tone not irritated yet not quite playful either. It seemed he was taking a little longer than the rest of the crew to warm back up to Tom.

"No, sir," Tom replied with a gulp, tugging on his collar. "Just an observation."

"It's not so bad Tom," Harry told him sympathetically. "Like working Christmas."

"That's a very nice analogy Harry," Kathryn told him, unable to repress her smile at the boyish grin that spread across his face. Tom sighed.

"If you're not happy with your assignment, Mr. Paris," Chakotay informed smugly. "Take it up with the captain." Kathryn rubbed her finger over her lip as she watched Tom's expression absorb this information. Tom turned and looked her in the eye.

"Third rotation?" he said again. She gave him a vague shrug, a faint smile playing on her lips as Chakotay's voice called the meeting to a close.

"Dismissed."

Harry's metaphor was not inaccurate, that vague holiday feeling that came along with shore leave settling over the ship as a thinned out crew drifted between the decks. The bridge was quiet, and Kathryn retreated to her ready room ostensibly to work but mostly so the bridge officers could chat without feeling self conscious. It's not like there was a lot for them to do. She was stretched out on her couch with a padd in one hand and a coffee cup in the other when her communicator chirped.

"Paris to Captain Janeway." She smiled and lazily tapped her chest.

"Janeway here," she replied, sipping her drink.

"The first cargo transport will be docking shortly," he informed her. "You wanted me to let you know." She pushed the coffee round in her mouth for a moment as she considered this.

"Mr. Paris, I want you to go down to the cargo bay and supervise the logistics," she told him, imagining the confused arch of his brow.

"Ma'am?" his voice sounded through her comm, the confusion evident in his tone.

"Ensign Ayala can take the bridge," she continued with a smirk.

"Yes, ma'am," Tom affirmed. Kathryn swirled the coffee around in her cup and slowly raised it to her lips.

"I want you to make a complete report of the inventory and deliver it to me when it's done," she finished, smiling broadly as he gave her one last yes ma'am.

Eventually Kathryn emerged from her ready room and after a brief status report, slipped away from the bridge for a break. She left the skeleton bridge crew sipping coffee and she was certain their were shortbread crumbs on Ayala's chest but she paid it no mind because she could appreciate that waiting until third rotation wasn't exactly the happiest of assignments. She however was much less bothered because she knew that with resupply came one of her most treasured rituals and she could barely repress her glee as she rode the turbolift and headed to her quarters. No, third rotation really wasn't that bad.

Inside her quarters she double checked her console, sitting down at her desk as she removed her boots and slipped off her jacket. Content that she wasn't neglecting anything or anyone, she drifted around her quarters and dimmed the lights. She lit some Vulcan incense and let some music play, peeling off her socks and throwing them into the refresher. She waggled her toes and sighed, removing her pips one by one and bouncing them in the palm of her hand before she rose to set them in a little dish on her dressing table. She was just peeling her shirt over her head when the door chimed, a smile spreading across her face at the sound.

"Come in," she called, leaning her palm against the bulkhead as the doors slid open.

"Ma'am," Tom said, with a little cough, stepping over the threshold and flicking his eyes up and down her half dressed form. She regarded him with mock coolness because even though she knew it was a little bit mean, she loved to see him squirm.

"Is that my report?" she asked, gesturing with a nod of her head at the padd in his hand.

"It is," he said, seeming especially squirmy as the doors closed behind him. Kathryn stepped toward him and extended her hand, taking the padd from him and flicking it on with her thumb. "It smells nice in here," he commented and she nodded.

"Replicated vulcan incense," she told him mildly, scanning over the screen. "Everything in order." She glanced up at him to see him chewing his lip.

"I think I made a tactical error," Tom confessed and she furrowed her brow.

"Oh?" she murmured. Tom swallowed.

"I thought you were in your ready room," he explained. "So I went back up to the bridge." She let her eyes settle on his lips, rather more interested in the idea of giving him a kiss than what he was saying. "And then Ayala told me you were here so now he knows I came to see you in your quarters." Kathryn considered this.

"I see," she mused and Tom gave her a toothy, wincing smile.

"I don't think he's all that interested, just thought I'd mention it," he added. Kathryn smiled and let out a little breath of laughter.

"I guess I should have thought of something more original," she said, turning away from him and ambling across the carpet.

"Should I...ah...take my boots off?" Tom queried hopefully and she nodded.

"Yes, please," she replied, turning off the padd and setting it down on the end of her desk.

"So not that I'm questioning captain's orders or anything," he said, stooping to pull his shoes off one by one. Kathryn ambled toward the bedroom and pulled her tank top out of her pants.

"But you're wondering why I asked you to go to the cargo bay?"

"Hmmm yeah a little," he replied, stepping after her and leaning his palms against the doorframe between the living space and her bedroom.

"I just wanted you to check and see what had come in," she said, turning around and looking him in the eye as she backed up toward the bathroom door. Tom gave her a suspicious look.

"A lot of what I'm reasonably informed is fertilizer," he told her as the light came on and she stepped inside. "And a few hundred metric tonnes of ice. Not the most inspirational of cargoes."

"Well I just wanted to make sure there was enough," she explained as he approached the doorway behind her and peered inside.

"Enough?" he queried, a slow smile spreading over his face as she bent down over the bath tub and stuffed the stopper into the drain.

The mirrors had steamed up by the time she finally climbed into the tub. Tom sighed in satisfaction, sinking down into the bubbles and leaning against the side. "Oh yeah, oh that's good."

Kathryn smiled at him, crouched at one end of the tub and reaching up to pin up a lock of hair that came loose as Tom ogled her soapy chest.

"Shit," she cursed as a pin popped out of her fingers and disappeared beneath the bubbles. She held her hair up with one hand and fished around for the lost pin with the other while Tom observed curiously. "I don't want to get it wet," she explained. Tom furrowed his brow. "Oh you wouldn't understand."

"No I guess not," he mused, his hand emerging from the water with her pin.

"Thanks," she said as she took it from him.

"So what's all this stuff?" he said, nodding at the rows of tubs along the wall before he reached forward and picked one up.

"That stuff is worth more than latinum out here," Kathryn said as he opened the pot and sniffed the contents. "Careful," she said, slithering closer and taking it from him as he stuck his finger inside. "That's got to last seventy thousand light years."

"Uh huh," Tom said, observing the goop on his finger and sniffing it.

"That's Jalarian mud," Kathryn said, frowning a little as he smeared across his cheek and nose in a long line. "From Betazed."

"Will it make me beautiful?" Tom teased, smushing the remnants onto the end of her nose. Kathryn smiled and set the tub back on the side. "What?" he prodded. "I don't get the full Janeway spa treatment?"

"I'm not sure you'd appreciate it," she replied, spreading the jot of mud on her nose across her skin. Tom pulled her between his legs and brought his hands up to pull the pins out of her hair. "Tom!" she complained as her hair fell into the soapy water.

"I'd appreciate it," he assured her, rubbing her spine between her shoulders until she hissed.

"That's cheating," she croaked, melting under his touch. He leaned forward to press a kiss behind her ear and chuckled. They slouched beneath the hot water for a while and she closed her eyes, considering his soft skin was much more comfortable to relax against than the stiff polymer of the bathtub. Tom chattered idly in her ear about the new holodeck program he was designing, stroking his hands all over her before deciding to explore her bath products some more.

"And what's this?" he asked, opening yet another container as Kathryn smeared conditioner over the length of her hair.

"Opal sea salt scrub," she said. Tom made a face like he was trying to pretend it was all very fascinating.

"You like this Betazoid stuff huh?" he commented and she hummed in agreement, wiping the remnants of the conditioner off her hands by using his hair. "I've never been," he said, swaying under her touch.

"It's really quite beautiful," she told him, slipping closer and sniffing the contents of the pot in his hand. "The weather is always good. Be nice to retire there."

"I don't know," Tom said, rubbing some of the salt scrub onto her shoulder.

"Do my elbow," she interjected quietly, sticking out her arm.

"All those telepaths around," he continued, rubbing down her arm. Oh, yes it was rather nice to have her own personal bath attendant. "I wouldn't be able to relax."

"With your dirty mind, you'd probably get arrested," Kathryn grinned and he gave her a little smile.

"Well that is one of my fortes," he said, setting the tub back on the side and putting his arms around her. She grinned and clasped his chin in her hand, squeezing his cheeks a little as she leaned close and kissed him.

"I guess third rotation isn't so bad after all," Tom told her as she snuggled back against his chest and leaned her head on his shoulder. Tom rubbed his palms in slow circles through the bubbles that clung to her breasts.

"No, not so bad," she agreed, closing her eyes as he kissed her temple.

"Thanks for my spa," he added.

"Thanks for the scrub," Kathryn replied.

"You know though," Tom continued. "There is something I've always wanted to try." Kathryn opened her eyes.

"I am not doing it in the tub," she said flatly and he chuckled.

"Who has the dirty mind now?" he chortled. "Actually it's much more innocent than that."

"Go on then," she said, slithering around until she faced him, bracing herself for the worst. "Tell me."

"See?" he teased a little while later, peering down his nose at her. Kathryn was focussing intently, biting her lip as she carefully moved her hand.

"Don't move!" she chided as he swallowed, his adam's apple bobbing in his throat.

"You won't cut me," he assured her.

"I just don't want you to be patchy," Kathryn replied, dragging the razor up his throat to his jaw. Tom looked at her fondly and squeezed her hip.

"This is nice," he said and she smiled, swiping over his face with a wet cloth.

"Yeah," she agreed, kissing him chastely on the lips. "Smooth as a baby's butt," she observed, stroking her fingertips across his cheek. "Oh, we should probably get out_,_" she added, flexing her fingers. "I'm starting to look like a _hirat."_

Usually she would have been concerned about getting lotion on the bedsheets, but she was willing to tolerate it if it meant she got a back rub. She was the first to admit she was weak for a good back rub and Tom's were excellent. They spent a good while smearing moisturiser over each other and she let out a grunt of satisfaction as his thumbs pressed into the knots in her shoulders. Once her back was done, Tom seemed to spend a very long time rubbing lotion into her breasts.

"I think they're done," she told him.

"Just want to be thorough," he told her, twisting his fingers around and around her nipples until they stood proud from her chest.

"Uh huh," she mumbled, idly stroking her palm up and down her thigh.

"So are you going to do me now?" he asked. Kathryn raised a brow. "My back," he clarified.

"A woman should never try to massage a man's back," Kathryn told him and he frowned.

"Well that's not fair," Tom huffed and she gave him an earnest look.

"No seriously," she assured him. "Men's lateral muscles are way more complex than in women." Tom pouted, reaching up and jabbing behind his shoulder.

"I have this kink right here," he complained. Kathryn gave him an indulgent look and leaned up on her knees, prodding between his shoulders with her fingers. Tom hissed.

"Oh yeah," she said, furrowing her brow. "There's something there."

"It's that seat at the helm," Tom told her.

"You need to watch your posture," Kathryn chided and he cast a dark look over his shoulder.

"It's alright for you, lounging in that armchair they give you," he groused.

"Oh you poor wounded soldier," she clucked mockingly, wrapping her arm around his throat. "Hold still."

"What are you...Ah!" he cried as she pressed her knuckle hard between the vertebra of his spine. "Oh shit, what was that," Tom mumbled woozily, swaying on the bed.

"It's a little Vulcan trick," she said, slipping out of the way as he collapsed down against the pillows with a drowsy expression.

"Oh wow, that's...whoo," he chuffed.

"Better?" Kathryn asked and he nodded.

"Oh yeah, that's...I'm..." he stammered. She smiled and rose from the bed, fastening the cap on her lotion and grabbing a damp towel off the foot of the bed. She left him languishing on the sheets and headed back into the bathroom, tidying up and spending a minute looking in the mirror. She poked the corner of her eye, batting her lashes and mulling over the redness around her tear duct. Maybe she needed to go to sickbay but she knew if she did, the doctor would harass her about her medical check and she just didn't really want to give up all that time just to have him chide her for drinking too much coffee and not sleeping enough. Sighing, she clicked off the light and turned back into the bedroom.

Tom had his eyes closed and was breathing deeply, so she lingered for a moment to watch him. She couldn't pretend it wasn't nice to have him there, warm and solid and oh so very handsome. She smiled softly at his sleeping face and crept around the room to kill the music and dim the lights.

Tom mumbled incoherently as she slipped into the bed beside him, dragging the comforter up over them both. She turned to observe him for a minute as she very, very gently dragged her nails over his cheek.

"Third rotation isn't so bad huh?" she whispered and his lashes fluttered.

"No not so bad," he slurred, letting his forehead press against hers. Kathryn kissed the side of his nose as his arm draped heavily over her hip. "Night baby," he managed before his eyes fell closed. She smiled.

"Goodnight, handsome," she whispered, closing her eyes and snuggling up close.


	9. Chapter 9

_Inspector Kashyk isn't content with tomato soup - he wants grilled cheese as well, hence this piece of UTTER SPACE TRASH. Tsk. Devore perverts. Let me take this opportunity to remind everyone that the "plot" of this garbage has all the substance of a slushie - mostly water, frozen and crushed to make it look more than it is, doused with cheap artifically colored syrup and served in a cup with a dog on it to make it seem more appealing. The smut however...well, what can I say? FYI THIS IS MARKED M FOR A REASON!  
_

"Kathryn."

It was comfortable and very warm in bed, her consciousness lingering in that foggy space between waking and sleeping so she was only vaguely aware of the slight nudge to her shoulder and quite determined to ignore it.

"Kathryn!" Louder this time, the slight nudge now a shake. Her eyes flew open and she inhaled with a sharp gasp, twisting her neck to see Tom peering down at her. "Your console made a noise," he said and she blinked.

Coming back to herself she sat bolt upright, the light from her console blinking in the darkness from the other room.

"Shit," she cursed as it trilled again, dragging herself across the room and fumbling with her robe. "What time is it?" she asked as a sleepy looking Tom turned his legs over the side of the bed.

"Relax, it's still early," he assured her as she tied the sash around her waist and pushed her hair back from her face.

"Oh," she replied with a yawn, her shoulders sagging as she let out a long sleepy breath. She stared at Tom for a moment, noting the way his hair had gone flat on one side and the way his eyes twitched with sleep.

"I'll just take a quick look," she promised, moving closer and stroking the side of his face. He swayed and squeezed her hip, blinking at her sleepily. She sniffed and rubbed her eye, padding into the other room. She sank down at her desk, blinking at the bright light from the screen as it flickered to life. "Oh what's this?" she muttered, squinting at the text that shimmied up the screen as several images appeared. She would need coffee before she could handle something like this.

"Chakotay to Janeway," a familiar voice said through the ether. A sleepy brow rose up her forehead.

"Janeway here," she replied.

"I see you got my message," he told her and she rubbed her temple.

"Yeah," she croaked and he chuckled.

"Did I wake you?" Chakotay asked her.

"It's okay," she said. She could hear a puff of rueful laughter through the comm.

"Sorry, I figured you'd be up by now," he teased. "Sleeping late?"

"Well you know, we're rushed off our feet up here," she quipped, pushing her shoulders back and cracking her spine. Out of the corner of her she was vaguely aware of Tom's naked self sloping into her bathroom and her eyes followed his milky moon backside as he disappeared through the door. Her nose twitched.

"I thought you'd want to see this," Chakotay continued enthusiastically.

"What is it?" she uttered, squinting at her screen. Chakotay chuckled.

"Get your coffee," he told her. "It's worth it."

She hovered in front of the replicator as Chakotay talked, well aware that it was probably better to keep this call as short as possible even if it _was _interesting. She sipped her coffee and combed her fingers through her hair as her eyes scanned the images he had sent. After a little while Tom emerged from the bathroom wearing his underpants, which was at least less of a distraction than having him hover in the doorway in nothing but his birthday suit. She met his eye briefly, his face broadcasting the kind of pre-caffeinated irritation that came no doubt from having what had been a deep and cosy sleep interrupted by the first officer of all people.

"Well it all looks fascinating," she told Chakotay, leaning back in her chair and scratching the tip of her nose.

"I thought you'd say that," Chakotay said, his tone clearly pleased.

"Let me wake up a bit more and I'll take a better look," she said diplomatically. "I'll talk to you later."

"Nice chat?" Tom asked when she finally ended the call, shuffling toward the replicator. Kathryn sipped her coffee and observed him over the rim of her cup. "Coffee, black," he stated.

"Yes," she answered, as the replicator hummed, waiting for some snide comment or quip. To her surprise Tom didn't say anything more, just picked up his coffee cup and went to sit under the window. "He was just filling me in," she explained, although she was sure she didn't owe him or anyone else an explanation. Tom nodded.

"What was that about a volcano?" he asked, sipping his drink and she raised her brow. "Sorry, I tried not to listen in." Kathryn gave him a wan smile and rose to her feet.

"He's planning a little sightseeing," she explained, crossing the room to sit beside him.

"Is there much of that to do down there?" Tom asked, stretching his arm out behind her as she sank down onto the couch. "Harry says it's all tattoo parlors and dive bars."

"Just your kind of place," she teased, leaning in to him with a grin on her face. Tom gave her a wide, toothy smile.

"I was thinking of getting KISS KILL over my knuckles," he quipped, making a fist and giving her the feeblest sock on the jaw. She chuckled.

"Well don't let me cramp your style," she said, pushing his hand down and drinking her coffee. He frowned.

"What so you're going to spend your shore leave... with _him?_" he asked incredulously. Kathryn repressed the urge to roll her eyes. _There _it was.

"I didn't say that," she said, adjusting the front of her robe. Tom chewed his lip thoughtfully.

"But you're going to go see this thing?" he prodded. She shrugged.

"What else am I going to do?" she quipped. "Play fizzbin with freighter jocks in some spaceport hovel?" Tom smiled, flicking his eyes up and down her face.

"Now that I'd like to see," he said with a chuckle. She smiled. "What's so special about this _volcano_ anyway?" he asked.

"_Cryovolcano,_" Kathryn corrected with a waggle of her brows. "It spews ice."

"Oh," he chirped, his lip twitching as he took a thoughtful sip of coffee.

"The caldera is full of water," she added, eyes flitting over his handsome face. "They'll take you right down into it - I mean, provided it doesn't explode on you."

"Sounds kind of dangerous," he noted.

"Exciting," she amended, emptying her cup and setting it down on the table.

"Ah I see," Tom clucked sagely.

"Now you're catching on," she said with a grin. "There are also dunes, but the _sand_ is made of napthalene and ice," she enthused. "They move in the methane winds and glow with luminous plasma."

"You never really did take off those science blues did you?" he said affectionately, pulling her into his lap.

"We _are _explorers," she reminded him gently, looping her arms around his neck. He nodded, eyeing her profile contemplatively.

"Maybe I could come with you?" he suggested, nudging her nose with his own.

"You won't get bored?" she asked. He smiled but his eyes looked a little sad.

"What else am I gonna do?" he said softly. "I can't play fizzbin by myself. I'm not exactly Mr. Popular you know." Her brow furrowed and a little pang of sorrow bubbled up from her stomach.

"Oh Tom," she said, stroking her nails around the shell of his ear and pouting at him.

"I will accept all your pity," he quipped with a cheeky grin, squeezing her gently. She smiled.

"For what it's worth," she said softly. "I hear you're very popular with the management".

"Well I'm glad to hear it," Tom replied, leaning closer and pressing his lips to hers.

Kathryn didn't say anything else, just stroked her fingers down the back of his neck and kissed him. She really loved kissing him, loved the way he held her head and brushed his tongue against hers over and over. They were deep, probing kisses, hot and lewd like the things they said to each other.

He tasted like coffee but she liked coffee, and she'd really meant to kiss him a whole lot more the night before. Not that is wasn't nice to just curl up like they had, although it was probably better not to dwell too much on what that might have meant. No, it was much easier to dwell instead on how his hand was sliding under her robe and how his nipples were firm, little points under her palms.

His lips were on her throat now and she closed her eyes, stroking one hand down the back of his neck as the other settled on his bicep. Her robe slipped down behind her, Tom's thumb brushing over her collarbone as the flimsy strap of her nightgown gave way beneath his touch. His sigh was loud and hot against her skin, and she closed her eyes as his palm closed around her breast. He trailed his lips downward for a moment before sinking to his knees and pressing his lips against her nipple. Kathryn stopped thinking about tattoos or ice dunes _or whatever_.

"Oh that's my boy," she breathed absently, her voice barely even a whisper. She stroked her hands through his hair and swayed beneath his ministrations, one hand gently squeezing a breast while his mouth lavished little licks and small kisses on the other. She arched her back, leaning toward him as a series of soft moans slipped out of her chest with each slow, sighing breath.

"Damn, you're popular," Tom complained gently as her doorbell chimed. Kathryn furrowed her brow and she bit her lip to repress a groan.

"Computer who's at the door?" she said gruffly, resting her hands on his shoulders. The computer informed them it was Kes and Kathryn gulped.

"Oh," Tom acknowledged unhelpfully.

The chime went off again and Kathryn's eye darted down to see Tom's handsome face peering up at her from between her bare breasts, his lips damp and glistening like the hard points of her nipples. She took short, shallow breaths and stroked the pad of her thumb against his collarbone. Well what was she going to do anyway? Make him hide in the bathroom while she invited Kes in for a chat? Transport him back to his quarters and then delete the log?

"You could just tell her you were in the bath?" he suggested with a whisper, his throat bobbing as his gaze lingered on her chest. She screwed her eyes tight shut in consternation because _damn it,_ but then he put his mouth back on her and the decision was made for her.

The door didn't chime again and Tom's hair was soft beneath her hands, his caress gentle as his hands stroked her all over.

"Let me see your pussy," he implored gently, pushing her legs up onto the couch and spreading her thighs apart. She didn't take much persuading, raising her arms to help him pull her nightgown over her head. The air was cool but his breath was warm as gentle fingers parted the soft folds of her sex, her lashes fluttering at the gentlest press of them inside of her. Kathryn sighed.

"I've been thinking about this all week," she told him with a coy smile.

"I don't think about much else," he confessed gently before pressing a kiss on the soft skin of her inner thigh. She smiled, and stroked her hand through his hair, her clit tingling in approval as he kissed his way toward her center. His tongue darted out experimentally and her breath hitched a little, biting her lip as she tilted her hips toward him.

"I love how you eat my pussy," she gasped brazenly, putting both her hands on his head and gently scratching her nails over his scalp. Tom let out a little moan, his hands squeezing her gently.

"Yeah I love to make you come," he mumbled hotly against her, his tongue setting out a lazy rhythm over her clit. He stroked up and down her thighs and up over her hips. Kathryn twitched with arousal.

"Yeah make me come," she whispered, closing her eyes as the slow strokes of his tongue grew more manic.

Truthfully, it should be shameful how wet it made her, all the stupid, dirty, things she found herself saying to Owen Paris' son. But god he was sexy, crouched before her in his underwear doing his Starfleet best with his tongue and damn it if she wasn't going to say and do whatever she damned well pleased to him. With one hand she stroked the back of his head while the other sought out the firm muscles in his shoulders, practically purring at him as that slow, heavy pulse of pleasure thrummed through her thighs. He pressed two fingers inside of her now, twisting his wrist until a loud, wet smack emanated from between her legs and she flushed. She imagined his cock inside of her, inside of her mouth, and the rough, masculine sounds that he made when he came.

"Shit," she cursed, her thighs trembling as she sat perched on the edge of the seat. "I'm gonna come" she whimpered, digging her nails into his hair a little and tugged his head back, admiring the gloss on his lips that his tongue had drawn out of her. Tom grinned at her wickedly and slipped his hands around to squeeze her ass, pulling her closer as he pressed his face back between her thighs.

"Oh yes, there's my dirty boy," she gasped, her face screwing up as he teased her climax out of her. He moaned in approval, her fingers twisting roughly into his hair as she let out a long, whimpering sigh of pleasure. She hissed as his fingers slipped out of her in search of her clit, his fingertip dancing over it and making sharp shocks of pleasure shoot down her thighs. He peered up at her with wide, blue eyes, a wanton expression on his brow as he pressed his fingers idly in and out of her pussy. She blinked at him catlike, her lashes fluttering as she stroked his cheek. "Take those off," she commanded hoarsely, pressing her nails into his shoulder.

Tom smiled and dutifully complied, wriggling out of his underwear as she slithered down off the couch to straddle his hips. She pressed her chest close against his and cupped his cheek in her hand as she kissed him, the scent of herself on his lips just making her bolder. With one hand Tom squeezed her ass, the other sliding into her hair as she kissed him with a deep, lewd press of her tongue in his mouth.

"Lie back," she uttered as her hand moved south and stroked across his balls. Tom groaned.

"Yes ma'am," he rasped as he sank down onto the carpet, his throat bobbing as she kissed her way down his body. "Oh shit yes, suck my cock."

That's my good, dirty boy, she thought with a wicked grin, stopping to scrape her teeth over his nipples and thrilling at his sharp gasp. She moaned a sweet simpering kind of apology and pressed the flat of her tongue over his nipples in a soothing gesture, admiring the twitch of his stomach as she moved lower and lower and lower still.

"God I love your mouth," he sighed, stroking her cheek and peering down at her with a gentle expression that grew fierce as she scratched her fingernails down the inside of his thigh. Tom hissed and she took a moment to appreciate the long red trails that sprung up against his pale skin before she leaned closer to press a kiss at the base of his cock. "I'm gonna give you all my cum," he growled, his fingers tangling in her hair.

"Yeah I want it," she groaned, something deep inside of her clenching at the thought. It was a reckless state of mind to be in, a little desperate and unhinged and prone to doing very unwise and very improper things. Oh but he was sexy and he wanted her and god, if she didn't want him too. She held the hard length of him against her cheek as pressed a line of kisses from root to tip.

"Oh, that's it," Tom murmured, watching her through slitted eyes as she moved, slowly at first, dragging her lips along the hard length of him before swirling her tongue around the head of his cock. The taste of him was a little salty, the musky masculine scent of him filling her nostrils as she slid her lips around him and then took him deeper, moving slowly downward as the thick, weight of him filled her mouth.

Tom groaned, a long languid sound as his cock bumped the back of her throat. She hummed encouragingly, hollowing her cheeks as she dragged her lips back up before she took him deep again.

"Oh yeah" he breathed and she closed her eyes, clenching hotly at the obscene sound of her warm, wet mouth on his cock. "You like this, don't you baby," he stammered as his eyes fell closed, both hands on the back of her head now and his hips beginning to rock back and forth. "My nasty girl."

She wasn't sure a Starfleet captain should be so thrilled to be anybody's _nasty girl _but hearing those words out of his mouth made her clit sing like a bird. Her pussy twitched wantonly, jealously, a maddening tingle wave of arousal washing through her thighs. Yes she liked it, she liked all of it, try as she might not to.

Tom was panting hard now, gritting his teeth as he jerked into her mouth, deep enough to make her sputter and when he moaned again she felt a surge of victory welling up inside of her. She did it again and he cursed, and again, his hands landing clumsily on the back of her head as he called her name. His cock slid deep against the back of her throat, the palm on the back of her head stroking through her hair with clumsy, heavy handed movements. She kept her eyes closed and let him press deep until he let out a choked cry of pleasure. Gasping for breath, she pulled back, his cock slipping out of her mouth and brushing wetly across her cheek.

"Let me touch you," Tom urged, leaning up a little and stroking his hand between her shoulder blades before sliding it around to fondle her breast. Kathryn sat up a little and pushed her hair back from her face as he reached for her, kissing her on the mouth as his hand slipped down to squeeze her ass. "God, I want to fuck you," he confessed, kissing her hotly as his fingers slipped between her thighs. Kathryn stroked his cheek and let him kiss her, the hand on her backside urging her into his lap.

"Yeah, tell me," she urged, pushing on his shoulders. God she wanted him to tell her how much he wanted her, how he wanted her more than anybody else.

"I love how you tease me with your wet pussy," Tom exclaimed as she rubbed herself up and down against his cock, each twist of her hips making it rub deliciously against her aching clit. "Oh make yourself come on my cock," he rasped and she twitched, arousal sparking through her thighs and making her lose what little sense she had left.

"Fuck," she cursed, screwing her face up in pleasure. Tom strained up off the floor toward her and buried his face in her neck, pressing his lips hotly against her skin.

"Yeah, oh yeah," he chanted, wrapping his arms tightly around her as she rocked her hips furiously back and forth against him. He pressed his lips to her throat, soft kisses morphing into a hot, stingy bite on her collarbone.

"Oh god," she gasped, as the hard length of him slipped through the wetness at her center and pressed suddenly, deeply inside. Tom let out a choked, little cry, his fingers squeezing her a little too tight as he pulled her hard against him.

"Oh yeah I love your sweet cunt," he choked, burying his fingers in her hair and jerked his hips up hard into her with ragged, frantic thrusts. Kathryn's mouth fell open at his words, flushing with shame and desire as his arms squeezed her even tighter. She clung to him, a feeble whimper escaping her throat as he pressed her down against the carpet and loomed over her with a fierce expression on his face. "I'm gonna fuck you," he uttered, stealing her breath from her chest with a smooth roll of his hips. "And then I'm gonna come in your mouth."

"Oh god," she gasped, her eyes rolling back in her head as he pushed up onto his palms and pressed in deep. She bit her lip and moaned, Tom's brow furrowing and his jaw clenching as she squeezed her breast, fingers circling on her nipple. She was aching for him, hands clasping his hips as he moved above her, inside of her. "Oh yeah," she sighed, back arching up off the carpet and a frown twisting her brow as she came.

"Oh fucking shit, yes," he stammered, pressing deep inside of her as her pussy clenched hard around his cock, moisture flooding between her thighs. A hot, heady feeling spreading out from her core and she whimpered pathetically, her hands slinking southward to stroke across her sex.

"Oh yeah," she sobbed, her finger dancing furiously over her clit with hiccoughing gasping breaths. Tom's nostrils flared, his expression feral and just ever so slightly intimidating as he began to fuck her in earnest.

"Oh yeah, yeah, yeah," he chanted, his eyes narrowing to slits as he peered down at her. She was limp, boneless against the carpet staring up at him with bleary, unfocussed eyes as he moved inside of her. Her breath hitched, feeble, whimpering gasps of breath tumbling out of her chest with every jerk of his hips. "I'm gonna give you all my cum," he promised, clenching his jaw.

"Yuh huh," she mumbled feebly not really able to string anything more coherent together. Tom squeezed his eyes tight shut and groaned, pulling out of her with a wet smack.

The air was cool between her thighs as she watched him stroke his cock with his fist. It was flushed red, angry looking like the expression on his face as he came closer. Her dirty, sexy boy, she probably shouldn't let him do it but she was going to let him do it anyway.

Straining up toward him, her tongue darted out to lick across the swollen head and he gasped. A pitiful mewling sound escaped her throat as her lips closed around him and Tom faltered, catching himself on his hand as he tumbled forward. What came out of his mouth could not be described as language, although the rough masculine sound said as much to her as words ever could. She reached for him, fingers splaying over his thigh as the first hot flush of him spread across her tongue and spillied out between her lips. His cock left her mouth with a wet smack and she flushed hotly, rubbing her palm idly between her thighs to stroke her still singing clit with a lazy, touch as a hot ribbon of cum fell across her cheek. She let out a slow, sighing moan, taking him in her mouth again and looking him right in the eye as the fierceness melted out of his face.

Tom was watching her now with a gentle sleepy expression, his fingers trailing through the sticky mess on her lips before he pressed them inside her mouth. She blinked, peering at him through her lashes as she cradled his fingers on her tongue and hummed. He went quiet and lay down close beside her, the only sound for a while the harsh rasp of their breathing and the vague smack of his lips as he kissed her ear. His hand stroked up and down her chest, soothing, doting almost and as the heady fog of lust cleared away, she was grateful for the way he sidled up close and held her.

They lay like that for a while and when she finally opened her eyes she was tucked under his chin, one arm coiled around the top of her head while the other rested over her waist. Kathryn blinked and stared up at the ceiling, chewing her lip and silently chastising herself. The tip of his nose rubbed idly up and down her cheek and when his hand flexed on her hip, she let her palm come to rest on top of it. What they were doing seemed to be running away from her at warp speed, but when she turned to look at his face he was looking at her with such tenderness, it was as much as she could do to keep from kissing him again.

"Mmmkay baby?" he murmured gently and she screwed her eyes up tight, flushing with a little bit of pride and a little bit of shame. She needed to get a hold of herself – they both did. Tom stroked her hair and moved even closer, squeezing her tightly and kissing her some more. "You're so beautiful," he told her softly, soothingly. She didn't open her eyes, just let him kiss her and stroked her palm up and down his arm.

They lay like that for a little while, until that nagging feeling of impending work grew too much for her to tolerate any longer. She needed to take a shower and get up to her ready room at least, nice as it would be to stay coiled up with Tom all day doing not much of anything at all. She took a deep breath and sat upright, wincing at the dull ache in her shoulder where his lips had been. She prodded the tender skin and observed the angry red mark he'd left.

"Okay?" Tom asked gently, his arm across her waist and his palm stroking down her thigh. He sat up and kissed her shoulder, observing her profile with gentle eyes.

"Have to get dressed soon," she said softly and he pursed his lips but didn't reply. She scraped her teeth over her lower lip and brushed her back out of her face, before taking a fortifying breath and rising somewhat stiffly to her feet. She exhaled and arched her back, pushing her arms back and cracking her spine as Tom stood up behind her. When she took a step forward, his arm went around her waist. "Hmmm?" she chirped curiously as he pulled her back against his chest. "Tom," she said a little more firmly as he hustled her forward, letting out a little yelp of surprise as he pushed her against the armchair and bent her down over the top.

"Not just yet, hey," he told her, kissing between her shoulder blades as his hand stroked down her side. "I need a little more."

Kathryn clutched at the back of the chair as his hand moved down her thigh, gulping as she felt his hard cock brush against the back of her legs.

"Tom," she said again as he pressed close against her, his lips against her temple.

"Baby let me fuck you," he urged, his cock pressing between her thighs. "Oh yeah just let me fuck you," he gasped, sliding deep inside. Her breath hitched and he moaned, both hands stroking down the back of her head as he bent over her and buried his face in her hair. Kathryn panted, her hands scrabbling for purchase against the back of the seat.

She sighed, leaning up on her elbow and closing her eyes his cock pressed deep into her. She screwed her face up, the hard frame of the chair pressing against her clit through the cushions with every stroke of him inside her. She took a deep breath and focussed on the feel of him, her pussy soft and yielding from her orgasm before. She supposed this was what she got when she went to bed with someone ten years her junior but she couldn't pretend like she wasn't flattered.

"Oh baby, baby," Tom chanted, dragging her back a little and clasping her firmly by the hips. It was as much as she could do to hold on then, as he drove into her hard and fast. She wasn't going to come again but that didn't mean she didn't enjoy it, didn't enjoy the harsh rasp of his breath and the firm, possessive squeeze of his hands. She loved to feel so wanted and as his palm stroked across her breast, she let her hand come to rest on top of his. "Oh Kathryn," he moaned.

She stared across the room as he fucked her, her eyes falling on the shelf of printed books that her father and his father and various other fathers had given her over the years. Mark's picture sat wedged between D.H. Lawrence and Jules Vern, and maybe it was better that he stayed there. Tom leaned close and pressed his lips to her ear.

"Only you make me hard like this," he told her breathlessly, hands roaming across her chest before wrapping around her in a tight embrace.

"Oh baby," she sighed, reaching up behind her to stroke his face.

He came then, pressing heavily against her back and panting hotly in her ear. Tom stroked up and down her spine and said her name, kissed her shoulder and called her baby and then kissed her neck. She let him scoop her up into his arms, putting her arms around his neck as he sank down into the seat with her in his lap.

She closed her eyes as he kissed her forehead, pressing his palm against the side of her head and tucking her under his chin. He was breathing heavily and she could feel his racing heartbeat pulsing in his chest. She stared with unfocussed eyes at the planet hovering outside the viewport, aware of the slow track of his seed down the inside of her thigh.

"You okay?" he asked quietly. She blinked

"Mmm hmm," she uttered against his throat, closing her eyes and hiding her face against his neck. Tom squeezed her tight and kissed the top of her head, and they sat like that for a while admiring the view through her window until her communicator chirped again.

"Tuvok to Janeway," a gruff voice intoned.

"God dammit," Tom huffed, dropping his head back against the cushions. Kathryn took a deep breath and sat upright, looking him in the eye. She smiled apologetically and pressed a kiss to the side of his nose.

"Janeway here."

_Jim Kirk invented Fizzbin to bullshit some aliens, and apparently it was later adapted into a drinking game wherein you use a deck of cards, make up a heap of stupid rules and smash Romulan ale as hard as you can. If I ever see any of you at a Trek con we'll play!_


End file.
